Good morning, campers.

Due to popular demand I’ve made a list of all the shit I think you’ll need in order to make six gallons (about 28 bottles) of really fine Pinot Noir at home. After you’ve made your first batch you’ll realize how easy this game actually is.

I’ve linked to Amazon but if you have a reasonable homebrew shop somewhere close by, you should be able to get all you need from them.

All prices aren’t the cheapest but I used them because I’m inherently lazy and you can shop around yourself if you want to bring the price point of a bottle down from $4 to $3.50.

It looks like the first two cases might run about $200 with initial purchase of equipment but after that the only real cost is the price of the kit. My kits usually run about $85 so 85/27 = $3.15 a bottle. Plus about a dime for the cork.



Wine Kit - Vintner's Reserve - Pinot Noir
https://www.amazon.com/Wine-Kit-Vintners-Reserve-Pinot/dp/B072R3KVHS/ref=sr_1_18?ie=UTF8&qid=1544544240&sr=8-18&keywords=pinot+noir+wine+kit


Bucket Kit, Two White 7 Gallon Buckets with White Gamma Seal Lids
https://www.amazon.com/Bucket-White-Gallon-Buckets-Gamma/dp/B016R2RVRY/ref=sr_1_20?ie=UTF8&qid=1544544404&sr=8-20&keywords=7+gallon+plastic+bucket+food+grade


28 empty wine bottles


Homebrew Airlock Beer Wine Brewing Bubble Fermentation Bung & Bubbler Bucket Air Valve
https://www.amazon.com/Homebrew-Airlock-Brewing-Fermentation-Bubbler/dp/B075NC3D6R/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&qid=1544544549&sr=8-14&keywords=alcohol+bubbler

Racking cane
https://www.amazon.com/Racking-Cane-inch-inches-long/dp/B000E66A36/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1544544640&sr=8-8&keywords=homebrew+siphon


Tubing
https://www.amazon.com/Learn-Brew-LLC-Grade-Tubing/dp/B000E62TCC/ref=pd_bxgy_328_img_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B000E62TCC&pd_rd_r=5e557846-fd5f-11e8-9bd0-c192ba7c048e&pd_rd_w=FZygX&pd_rd_wg=yv8PE&pf_rd_p=6725dbd6-9917-451d-beba-16af7874e407&pf_rd_r=NTKPDH1CZ6H98SC0N7EF&psc=1&refRID=NTKPDH1CZ6H98SC0N7EF

Bottle filler
https://www.amazon.com/Home-Brew-Ohio-H8-PQQ5-T5KB-Bottle/dp/B007VFBLNC/ref=pd_sim_328_5?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=B007VFBLNC&pd_rd_r=72938197-fd5f-11e8-b8c1-1f0fd5300496&pd_rd_w=nYFlE&pd_rd_wg=rmsGw&pf_rd_p=18bb0b78-4200-49b9-ac91-f141d61a1780&pf_rd_r=699MC06MECK80EAZFKYG&psc=1&refRID=699MC06MECK80EAZFKYG

Bleach or other sanitizer

Corks
https://www.amazon.com/Straight-Corks-15-16-Bag/dp/B07HHCQCGW/ref=sr_1_10?s=industrial&ie=UTF8&qid=1544545130&sr=1-10&keywords=wine+corks


Corker
https://www.amazon.com/Double-Lever-Hand-Corker-Synthetic/dp/B07JB97PT7/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?s=industrial&ie=UTF8&qid=1544545175&sr=1-2-spons&keywords=wine+corker&psc=1

(While your booze is bubbling away, there just might be a discernible aroma.)

Your Money or Your Life, Mr. Lime

One of my all time favorite movies is The Third Man, directed by Carol Reed. When Graham Greene adapted his novella into a screenplay, perhaps the world was a more understandable place. The post World War II period never seemed simple to me. Somehow I doubt life was any less complicated back then, but that’s nostalgia for you.

Poor Holly Martins (Joseph Cotton) arrives in multi-occupied Vienna after being offered work by his friend, Harry Lime (Orson Welles). Martins soon discovers that Lime has been run over by the proverbial bus (lorry) and will not soon be delivering on any promised employment.

Moving right along, Martins discovers that Harry Lime was a black marketeer of the most nefarious type. Lime stole a shipment of penicillin and, after watering it down, sold it back to the medical community. Unfortunately the diluted penicillin is possibly worse than worthless and numerous children have allegedly either died or been crippled by Lime’s product.

Harry Lime is portrayed as the most despicable of human beings. A cretinous bug. But this was all back in the 1950s when things were simpler. Back then a scumbag was a scumbag, even if you couldn’t use the word scumbag in polite society.

Harry Lime, the lowest of the low, profiteer and thief.

But let’s hold on a second. That was how hateful Harry was perceived sixty years ago. Let’s have another look at Harry from today’s enlightened corporate perspective.

Was Harry ever convicted of a crime? Absolutely not. Allegations he had stolen penicillin were never proven. Innocent until proven guilty.

Did Harry Lime steal the drugs he was accused of reselling? Again, how Harry came into possession of his product has never been adjudicated.

What was Harry Lime's crime? Multiple jurisdictions, no conviction.

What crime? Harry Lime simply maximized profit with the product he had at hand.

Penicillin was a desirable commodity at that time in Vienna. Lime was in possession of a source for the drug and doctors and hospitals were willing to purchase this commodity at venues considered illegal. Certainly the medical community didn’t have to make these questionable purchases. These medical professionals chose to buy black market drugs. How could they imagine these illegal drugs would be of the same quality and potency as those obtained through legitimate channels? These medicines should have been tested for quality before they were used on unsuspecting children. Obviously, the medical profession was negligent.

So there you have it. Harry Lime wasn’t guilty of anything. All he did was profit on the ill health of those who could afford to pay for his watered down pharmaceuticals.

Today Harry Lime, profiteer and murderer, could easily become an executive for any of numerous Americhan health care providers or drug companies. The Third Man certainly knew how to turn the ill health of innocents into a commodity. Isn’t that what it’s all about?

Harry Lime, corporate medicine at its finest!
-

originally published in 2010

There’s No Reason to Vote

The vast majority of eligible voters didn’t vote for Trump. The vast majority of eligible voters didn’t vote for Clinton, either.

40% of possible voters said piss on all of them and sat on their hands.

Now that Hillary is history and the Chump is well on his way to impeachment or resignation, it looks like the citizens who didn’t cast a ballot for either of them are the real winners after all. Bye bye, major party candidates.

There are any number of reasons why eligible American voters don’t bother but there’s one de-motivator which doesn’t receive enough attention.

Way back when, Bill Clinton and his cronies decided on a strategy of shifting the Democratic Party just a little bit farther to the right in order to pick up a handful of Republicans who were turned off by the Bible thumpers and fellow travelers in their party. Who knows? Clinton’s scam might have been good politics for an enlightened Arkansas.

After Bubba defeated Bush the Elder (mostly thanks to a little guy by the name of H. Ross Perot who was also running and shattered the Republican vote), the Clinton brand of corporate liberal Republicanism (we want choice but won’t make it law) suddenly became enshrined by the leaders of the Democratic Party. 


“We won! We won! Corporate Democrats are the way!” 

Well, so far, not so good.

With the exception of Obama (Remember Romneycare?) the Democratic Party has been losing ground at a stunning rate since Clintonism (we’re just a little to the left of George Wallace) took control. 

The Senate. Gone. The House. Gone. Governors. Gone. State Houses. History. 


There have been so many Democratic losses as to make that party’s former power seem but a distant memory.


Here’s a test. Instead of pointing out the slight differences between the two major parties, think about how much their leaders currently have in common. Pro for-profit health insurance. Pro death penalty. Pro Middle East adventurism, and on and on. All financed by Goldman Sachs et al. How Republican of them both.

But, wait a second, it turns out that all of that is not what rank and file Democrats actually support. The majority of Dems want Medicare for All. Most of them, along with most states, could live without the death penalty. Middle Eastern war games? Not so much. And by all means, tax the living shit out of Goldman Sachs.

Real Democrats are so much farther to the left than the party’s Clintonite leadership that it’s almost no, not almost it’s really, really funny.

But, even in the face of so many losses, the Clintonistas still put the blame on others. They couldn’t possibly be wrong. After all, the corporations and the donors give them almost as much money as they give to the Republicans.

Another thought. Instead of constantly losing by chasing the three or four liberals who remain in the Republican Party (Republicans tend to vote for Republicans anyway, you blithering idiots), why not offer Americans a real choice?

Instead of veering right in hopes of luring that loose GOPer, try going the other way. 40% of eligible voters don’t vote. And that’s for Presidential tilts. Lesser elections, lesser percentages. There are more people not voting than voting for either party. 

But the Democratic leadership ignores the forty percent and wrap themselves in Republican Lite robes in hopes of attracting more Wall Street moolah.

It isn’t working, morons.

How many former Democratic voters have stopped pulling the handle because they no longer see enough of a difference between the two parties for them to bother to vote?

Imagine if the Democratic Party actually offered a real choice rather than a faint Republican echo. Imagine if that non-voting 40% was actually presented with a stark difference. No longer Trump versus Trump-lite. No longer massive health insurance premiums versus 1% less massive health insurance premiums.


Imagine if the Democratic Party ran candidates who actually represented the views of actual Democrats. Maybe a small fraction of that 40% might be inspired enough to vacate their Barcaloungers. If Democrats could actually show that “they’re all the same” no longer applies, it might just motivate a few of the fallen. If Democrats could attract just a few of the non-voters, instead of chasing the white whale swing Republican, perhaps the losses might stop. Imagine if the Democrats could get a mere 2% out of that dormant 40 to pull the lever in their direction. Things might just become a whole lot different.

Bill Clinton is a most charming man, but he is an idiot. The Clintons and their ilk have just about destroyed the Democratic Party. It’s time for all of them to concede defeat and just go away.

-------------------
.

Beware of Pickpockets!

“Welcome, welcome, you tremendous people! Thank you so much. You are about to witness the most magnificent show conceivable even in the most spectacular parts of your fabulous imaginations!” El Dunno, the world’s most famous organ grinder, reached into his inside pocket and took out a peanut for his monkey.

“Look! Watch his hands. Fascinating!”

While he cranked his organ, and did his spiel, the grinder’s impish primate took the goober from his master’s outstretched digits. He jumped upon his master’s shoulder then dismounted with a full somersault and twist. The chimp skipped into the center of the audience on the crowded sidewalk, doffed his fez, and approached each spectator, seeking donations.

“Isn’t he the cutest thing ever?” “I wish my kid was so talented.” “Do you think a dollar is too much?”

And so days passed. El Dunno, the most fabulously tremendous organ grinder ever to grace the Manhattan streets and his wonder chimp, El Manquee, would delight innocent tourists for up to twenty shows a day. What could be better than free, innocent entertainment? If you wanted to donate a buck or two, well, that was entirely up to you.

And so it went for eight years. Until they were replaced by a different grinder and monkey.

A few years later, on the occasion of his retirement from the rackets, Phil the Dip came clean about the whole El Dunno setup.

“You have no idea how hard it is to find a grinder who’s up to the part. You know, people think the act is the chimp, but it’s the grinder. All the time he’s cranking that organ and the monkey’s working the crowd, the grinder keeps the audience occupied with whatever nonsense pops into his noggin at the moment.

“When the chimp, El Manquee, is panhandling the tourists, El Dunno rambles on about how Santa Claus is an illegal alien. Or how every white boy in this country can grow up to be a billionaire. Or even, this is my favorite, how folks who have less than you are responsible for causing all of your problems. Including hemorrhoids or your daughter’s inability to date anyone other than a minority. The trick is to get the marks minds into a primitive haze where they are only vaguely paying attention to what’s going on around them.

“All the tourists would be lulled by El Manquee passing the fez and El Dunno chattering on and on about how life’s problems can be so simply solved.

“I ran a small crew back then.


“With so few people paying cash these days, folks tend to forget about pickpockets. Let me tell you, it’s not as easy now as it was when I started. Cash was king then, but if you know what you’re doing, you still can make a living.” Phil the Dip enjoyed talking about his former profession.

“Anyone who can create a distraction like El Dunno did is worth their weight in diamonds. I used two of my crew to fleece the crowd and a third for the drop. Tourists usually carry more cash than the average schmuck. People forget credit cards and cell phones bring a good price as well.  


“The marks couldn’t take their eyes off of El Dunno and his monkey tricks. They didn’t pay the slightest bit of attention while we robbed them blind.


“I don’t know what El Dunno is doing these days. I know the monkey died. With a spiel like his, he might have gotten into politics.”

----------------

Pro-Obamacare Demonstration Outside White House

“This was today’s headline, ‘Healthcare Advocates Demonstrate Outside White House Demanding Obamacare Be Expanded.’ Following a protest outside the White House today, we had a chance to sit down with one of the organizers. This spokesperson agreed to our interview only under conditions of complete anonymity. We agreed to his request. Welcome.”

“Thank you, Charlie.”

“You are most certainly welcome. We just want to reassure you that our viewers will only be seeing a vague outline on their screens and your voice is being electronically altered so that it will be entirely unrecognizable.”

“I appreciate your efforts.”

“So, there were a few hundred representatives of your organization marching outside of the White House today. What message were they attempting to deliver to President Trump?”

“Well, Charlie, as I’m sure you know, the demonstration in Washington was all about Obamacare and why it should be kept in place. We’re hoping to convince President Trump and the rest of the Republicans just how much it would hurt the health insurance business if Obamacare were to be repealed.”

“But aren’t the insurance companies you represent complaining about how much money they’re losing? I mean every day we read about companies withdrawing from the exchanges? What about that?”

“Charlie, Charlie, Charlie, what business person in their right mind would ever say they’re making too much money? If you want to raise consumer prices, anyone savvy about business will always complain they’re not making enough money. I mean, come on, Charlie.”

“And the companies withdrawing from the health insurance exchanges?”

“There really isn’t any need for more than a single insurer to be on any individual exchange. When one organization withdraws from one market, you’ll see a complimentary withdrawal on a different exchange. Some might call this monopolistic; we prefer to call it efficient.”

“But why the need for this demonstration now?”

“Obamacare has a long history. Even when this program was first called Romneycare, Republicans have had to travel down a very narrow road. You have to realize, Charlie, that Obamacare is the largest raid on the U.S. Treasury ever made. When the Affordable Care Act was signed, the health insurance companies were basically given a blank check to charge as much as they wanted along with millions of new customers who were being forced to buy their product. As long as the consumer had no idea how much the Federal government was being charged, they really didn’t care what the costs were. As long as enough Republicans and Democrats were in our pockets, they didn’t care either. We’re probably talking trillions over the next decade.”

“But what about all those who couldn’t get insurance before Obamacare?”

“Charlie, that was the finest brand of snake oil ever sold. Even before Obamacare, everyone could buy health insurance. For a price. The price for those with situations like pre-existing conditions was exorbitant. Out of the reach of almost all individuals. All Obamacare did was shift that cost to the Federal government. The insurance was still out of control expensive but the consumer never saw the bill. Big checks were sent to the insurance companies along with millions of new customers. There were absolutely no cost controls. We were in pig heaven.”

“And now with Republicans threatening to repeal Obamacare?”

“Grass roots Republicans are demanding the repeal. It’s like a fever. It took a very long time to convince Democrats that Obamacare/Romneycare was actually a Democratic program. Unfortunately, along with that, a lot of Republicans seem to have forgotten that it’s actually a Republican program. Those folks were out there today to remind them.”

“And your prognosis for the future?”

“Charlie, the health insurance companies I represent are fairly certain Obamacare will remain. There’s far too much money being made for the entire program to disappear. We’ve just sent a few hundred of our interns out to the White House today to remind everyone who’s writing the checks.”

“So today was a gentle nudge?”

“Yes, indeed it was, Charlie. They can call it Obamacare. They can call it Romneycare. They can call it Trumpcare in big, gold letters. We don’t care as long as they don’t cutoff our pipeline to the Treasury. Wake up, Republicans. We’re the ones who send you all your money.”

“Well, that pretty much says it all. Thank you for being here. And thanks to all of you for watching. Goodnight.”


----------------

Big Pharma Will Kick Donnie’s Wimpy Ass

Jimmie the Jerk was having a hell of night the other day at P.J. Clarke’s barroom.

Now that the initial shock was over, it was time to find out exactly how small Donald Trump’s digits really are. At least according to J the J. The folks at the bar were listening.

“They’ve promised Donnie the Dim the reins of power. For this New York minute, he’s lost somewhere up in the clouds, but the first time he tries to dick in one of his big campaign promises, he’ll be smashed down to reality by the real BigBoys. We’ll show him just how powerless  limp dicks like him really are. They’ll rub his nose in their shit and make wee Donnie smile and thank them for it.”

Jerry the Jerk is a vice-vice-president at a multi-global pharmaceutical monolith which currently charges America’s people one hundred times the price they charge citizens of other industrialized nations for the exact same scripts. These are the real drug pushers who control the street. J the J is one of the guys in charge of making sure chumps like Trump don’t rock the boat.

He explained to the room exactly how it would work.

“We’ll all go sit with him in some dumpy, second-rate D.C. conference room. He’ll do his song and dance about how we have to lower our prices for the good of the American people, and how he’ll conduct the negotiations. He’ll spit out almost sentences for fifteen minutes or less. We’ll nod, look serious, or smile, depending on whatever. Then he’ll leave. We’ll cut a couple of checks to Priebus and the other boys, and that will be that. And we’ll keep charging whatever the hell we feel like charging. Life or death, kids. Pay or die. We own this country.”

That sounded kind of harsh to a lot of the folks at the bar.

“We cut off the Trumpette’s balls years ago. You don’t get to operate the way little punks like Donnie do without our friends and investors controlling all the operating funds. Putzes like Chump and the gunsels that surround him lick our asses and drop their pants whenever we want them to.”

How do you do it? You can’t intimidate the President. The patrons needed to know.

You don’t call the President of the United States a punk.

“If a chump like Trump thinks he’s enough of a man to take on the drug companies, well, we’ll just have to show the whole world that the sign on his building shouldn’t read “Trump”. Change it to read, “He’s Our Bitch”. That would be a whole lot more of truth in advertising.”

Everybody drank.

“Little Donnie Boy isn’t going to tell Big Pharma where to get off. Trumpette will just keep being another punk in the prison shower room bending over to pick up the soap.




-----------------

Any Third Party Vote is a Vote for Hillary Clinton.

Buddy boy, don’t you get it? This isn’t the year to cast a “protest” vote. If you don’t vote for Trump you’re really voting for Hillary.

Huh?

Listen, kid, you just don’t know how all this works, do you? I know you pretty much think neither Clinton2 nor the Trumpster should be controlling the White House joy stick. Am I right or am I right?

I guess so.

You don’t want to vote for someone who helped bomb the shit out of the Middle East or somebody who you don’t know if they’ll blow up the whole world either. The Big H has the track record as a killer and Trumpy only has the potential. Right?

Sure. But....

Listen, pally, is it the American way to convict somebody of a crime even before they commit it? Or do we only punish those who’ve already voted to kill hundreds of thousands of Iraqi women?

Well, so far Mr. Trump has only been stupid talk.

Exactamundo! Only ridiculous chatter. You know whatever he says is meaningless. You also know that he knows he’s bullshitting. It’s a game to him. On the other hand Clinton2 pretends it isn’t a game. He lies and winks. She lies and pretends it’s the Lord’s own truth.

I don’t know about that.

Of course you do, kiddo. You’re for Medicare for All, right? Well the Trumpster has been for that. At one time or another. The Hillary wants to keep that Obamacare farce going.

It’s not like he wants socialized medicine though.

You opposed the Iraq War, right? You know the Big Guy was at one time against it too. Clinton2 said she made a mistake. Maybe a couple of million died with the help of her vote and she says she made a mistake. Big whoop. Trumpy, he’s more flexible.

Well, that’s sort of true.

Kid, you know this isn’t an election where you can vote for a minority party. This might be the most critical election ever. You know you don’t want that Hillary in office.

She does support the death penalty when she feels like it. And she likes fracking too.

My brother, look at what they did to your Bernie.

You’re right about that. But the Republicans aren’t any better.

Now that even the Bush family is voting for Hillary Clinton, I mean, what more can I say? Do you support the whole Bush agenda? Don’t you think the first thing Clinton2 will do is give Jeb! a cabinet position? You don’t think Papa Bush said he was voting Democrat for the first time in his life without getting something in return? This is still politics, buddy boy. Imagine Jeb! as Secretary of State.

True. There must have been some sort of deal there.

Citizen, at least the Trumpster is straight about being corrupt.

That’s sort of the reason I’m thinking of voting for a third party candidate.

Patriotic American, wait until after the election and mobilize then. Trump can be reined in by a unified Democratic Congress. Remember the most important thing is to keep a war monger like Hillary Clinton out of the White House. It’s the known evil versus the unknown evil.

You’ve given me a lot to think about. Fortunately, there’s a little time left.

Pal of mine, just remember, any third party vote is a vote for Hillary Clinton to be the next President of these United States. And you know nobody wants that to happen.

-------------------

Greatest Generation Remix

I’m voting for her because she’s a woman.

I’m voting for him because he’s black.

I’m voting for him because he’s white.

I’m voting for her because I’m afraid of him.

I’m voting for him because I’m afraid of her.

I’m voting for him/her because they are going to win/win.

This country is based on representative government.(Surprise!) Putting personnel peccadillos aside for the moment (You stinking, thieving, lying, amoral, son-of-a-bitch), citizens should base their choice of candidate to support on the person/party that best represents the way that citizen believes this government should be administered. A fairly simple concept, vote for the person who thinks the way you do about most things. 

For decades and decades Democrats have used the fear of anti-choice Supreme Court justices to scare the shit out of rational American voters each time a Presidential election rolls around. And when they do achieve power, Democratic leaders sit on their hands and do nothing to legislate a solution to this particular problem. 

Every four years Republicans exploit centuries of racist distrust and convince white flight voters that unless they support the bosses, rampaging hordes of Africans will descend upon their suburban castles and transport their barbecue equipment back to the inner cities. After the polls close, Republicans do their best to forget that human beings still exist and go back to serving their corporate masters.

Of course there are numerous other minor bones of contention between the two mega-parties, but these two, choice and race, have been the bread and butter for generations of inbred Democratic and Republican political operatives, at least since Lyndon Johnson decided to toss in the towel.

Now we are left with this.

The Democratic Party has been taken over by what was once the moderate wing of the Republican Party. It is as if Bob Dole has put on a dress, decided to come out publicly as being pro-choice, and is pretending to be Bill Clinton’s wife. Other than that, and some serious military service, how can anyone differentiate between the 1996 Republican candidate and the 2016 Democratic model? Thank Odin that Henry Kissinger is still around to advise on where to invade next.

With all the Republican closet Clinton supporters now coming out in the open to support Clinton2, the Republican Party is simply left with a racist buffoon. For all practical purposes the Republican Party has ceased to exist. All the somewhat sane Republicans are now pro-choice, pro-war, pro-corporate, Republican/Democrats donating their money and time to the Hillary-Bill-Chelsea Clinton Democratic Party/Clinton Foundation/Goldman Sachs Savings and Loan. 

Once past the six or so reasons for stupidly supporting a candidate mentioned at the beginning of this article, the informed citizen is left with only one choice and one choice only. To the best of my knowledge Bob Dole is still breathing. Why support Clinton2 who at best is a pale imitation of the former Republican candidate? 

Vote for Bob Dole!

After all, Clinton2 and the other bozo have no idea what it’s like to lose a limb for this country. 

I might just vote for Bob Dole. At least he has experienced the horrors.

-----------

Little Timmy Is Upset He’s a Racist Executioner

“Why are you crying, Little Timmy?”

“I had to do it. I’m upset”

“Now, now, Little Timmy. You know you didn’t have to execute those eleven defenseless prisoners. You really can’t say you were forced to do it.”

“But if I didn’t kill them, the people of Virginia would think I was weak and might not like me anymore.”

“Timmy, you spared one prisoner scheduled for execution, so everybody knows you had the power to stop them all.”

“Now you’re making me upset all over again.”

“Timmy, you know capital punishment is barbaric and a human rights violation, but you let the executions proceed anyway.”

“I’ve said that killing prisoners is a bad thing many times. Isn’t that enough?”

“Now, Timmy, just because you say one thing, doesn’t mean you’re allowed to do the exact opposite. You know capital punishment in the United States is an abomination. Yet you executed six black prisoners. Six out of a total of eleven executions means you are carrying out a racist policy. Your saying you’re sorry is like when the axeman asks the person he’s about to behead for forgiveness. It really doesn’t mean anything.”

“But I say I’m opposed to racism.”

“Little Timmy, don’t you know that your words don’t mean anything when you do the bad thing anyway? You can’t say you don’t like killing puppies while at the same time you’re killing puppies. You can’t say I hate killing defenseless people while you’re killing defenseless people.”

“You mean you don’t believe me when I say I’m opposed to capital punishment?”

“Little Timmy, don’t you know that your actions speak much louder than your words? If you say you’re against something and then kill eleven people, well, just by your actions you’re calling yourself a liar. And adding to the fact that you proportionately killed so many black Americans, well, I can’t imagine how anyone with a rational mind can believe anything you have to say on the subject.”

“The Clintons like me. Isn’t that enough?”

“Well, Little Timmy, Hillary Clinton says she supports capital punishment when the people being killed are the ones she thinks should be killed. And some of us remember how when Billy Clinton was running for President he raced back to Arkansas for the execution of a mentally damaged black man. People like that will probably forgive your two-faced bullshit when it comes to committing racist human rights violations. But with those people who don’t support racism and capital punishment, you might not find a great deal of support.”

“But I’m still better than Donald Trump.”

“I’m sorry, Little Timmy, but I can think of eleven families who probably don’t believe that. It’s one thing to present yourself as a vicious, cruel animal and actually be one. It’s another to say you’re opposed to a human rights violation and commit it eleven times. Donald Trump might eventually get blood on his hands, but you’re swimming in it.

“Besides, being better than Donald Trump is such an extremely low bar even the rest of the kids in your class will probably laugh you out of the room.”

-----------

If You're a Misanthrope, Are You a Misogynist?

Let’s get some terms straightened out. If you’re a misanthrope, you pretty much hate humanity in general. Women, children, men, you despise them all. You can still hate everyone and have exceptions for your own family and puppy dog, but you’re probably more than willing to press the button and vaporize millions. Frankly, you don’t give a shit about anyone other than you and your own.

What’s a misogynist? Misogyny is a sub-category of misanthropy but focuses its hatred on women. In other words, if you’re a misanthrope you’re pretty much a misogynist as well. But if you’re a misogynist you are not necessarily a misanthrope. (Even if you probably are, but that’s another matter.)

War should be considered the ultimate manifestation of misanthropy. Those who facilitate the mass exterminations of human beings which constitute modern day warfare must be considered to be at the pinnacle of human hatred. War is as misanthropic as it gets.

If you assist in the slaughter of hundreds of thousands of women should you be considered a misogynist? After all, if you’re a young woman lying dead in a ditch, being pro-choice is hardly relevant. If a drone fires a rocket into your house, you don’t care if the ceiling is wood or glass as it collapses and kills you and your children. You don’t care if you have equal opportunity for a job when your village has been brought to rubble by foreign military forces.

If you aid and abet war, does this make you a misogynist? It certainly makes you a misanthrope, and since misogyny is a sub-category of misanthropy, you bet it makes you a misogynist. Hundreds of thousands of women died because of this century’s Iraq War. Those who supported that war are responsible for the denial to these women of their most basic human right, the right to life. These misanthropes snuffed out untold numbers of women. The pinnacle of misogyny is killing women.

There you have it. If killing women doesn’t make you misogynist, what the hell does? What does killing hundreds of thousands of women make you?

This is where we now are. It appears the American people will soon be able to choose between two misogynists promoted by the two major parties. One partially responsible for the death of hundreds of thousands of women and another who will do and say anything to attract votes.

Of course there are other parties fielding nominees if you don’t care to cast a vote for a misogynist.

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The Goldman Sachs Samaritan

A three year-old SUV blows a tire, skids into the break down lane, then flips over twice. Its four passengers are smothered in air bags. Then there is silence.

A driver who’d witnessed the entire incident from a hundred yards behind, pulls over, checks out the situation, shrugs, then gets back on the highway and drives away. He is late for a speech he is scheduled to deliver on “Living Well is the Be All and End All.”

A second motorist, on the opposite side of the road, pulls over as well. Observing the accident scene and the first driver’s actions, she also pulls back on the highway, certain that events will work themselves out without any assistance on her part.

Then a third driver arrives. She maneuvers her vehicle as close to the accident scene as seems prudent. She is the Goldman Sachs Samaritan,

Knowing every crisis is an opportunity, the Goldman Sachs Samaritan’s first call is to her lawyer. Following a brief conversation regarding potential liability (during which the Goldman Sachs Samaritan’s lawyer dispatches a junior associate to the accident scene), the GSS formulates a plan which in the long run should both benefit not only herself but, if lucky, the accident victims as well. The GSS’s second call is to a private ambulance company three towns away in which the GSS holds a minority interest. She is assured an ambulance will be dispatched to the scene as soon as one becomes available and the accident victims will be transported to a for-profit hospital in the next county where the GSS sits on the board-of-directors.

The GSS looks up from her phone and notes the steady puffs of smoke emanating from the unfortunate vehicle in the ditch.

Another short call to a tame local newspaper reporter will lead to proper documentation of her heroic act. Nothing like some free publicity to promote the GSS’s businesses and the political causes she espousers.

The Goldman Sachs Samaritan visualizes how, after the private ambulance and press arrive, she will be photographed pulling the accident victim from their car. The ambulance service’s logo will be prominently displayed as she delivers the unfortunates into the caring hands of the private medical system representatives. You can’t buy advertising like that. She closes her eyes to rest, awaiting her fellow team members’ arrival.


While the GSS is getting her ducks in a row, “Crisis Can Be A Profit Center Too!”, a battered Toyota pulls in behind her. The mature woman behind the wheel also assesses the situation and immediately calls 911. The emergency operator assures her an ambulance, police, and other appropriate first responders will soon arrive on the scene. This Socialist Samaritan makes her way down to the overturned vehicle and helps the bruised passengers out of their vehicle, just as puffs of smoke begin appearing above the engine.

As the county ambulance, police and tow truck drive away from the accident scene, the Goldman Sachs Samaritan is awakened by the sound of someone rapping on her window. She looks about and wonders where the crashed car and its people have gone. The private ambulance driver and the tame reporter are both screaming at the GSS about her sending them out here for no good reason. The Goldman Sachs Samaritan screams back.

This only goes to show how no good deals go unpunished.

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What You Wish For

A room that isn’t any larger than 10 feet square. Two metal folding chairs face one another. Acoustical tile ceiling. Windowless. One door. Might have been a storage closet in some previous incarnation but found its true vocation being what it is now: a minor interrogation room for those whose assumed intelligence remains of dubious import.

Jeremy’s interrogator does not lift his eyes as the prisoner is escorted to his seat. The interrogator is a pale man in his late forties or early fifties. Short gray black hair receding a good way back on his scalp. Clean shaven. In process of flicking his cigarette into a paper cup on the floor beside a chair leg. Beige chinos and a red short sleeve golf shirt. He easily could be a manager for any big box store in any mall anywhere in the United States. 

Jeremy sits and waits. His interrogator consults memos attached to his clipboard. He lights another cigarette. Disposable lighter. Black. Brown filter on white cigarette tube. Yellowish, not perfectly aligned large teeth.

“Cigarette?” Right handed. Stubby digits. Good deal of hair on fingers and back of hand as well as on wrist.

Jeremy has been trained to notice things. Little things. Big things. He wishes he’d taken courses in identifying American regional accents. His interrogator sounds like every television newsreader. Could be from anywhere. Wait for more data.

“No, thank you.” No reason to let your opponent set the agenda. Begin the interrogation yourself. “Why am I here?” Jeremy doesn’t have many tools at hand.

Flipping through a few more papers, the inquisitor points his cigarette at Jeremy and finally raises his eyes to the man opposite him. “You thought you won, didn’t you?”

Although Jeremy didn’t know the accent, he certainly recognizes the tone. It was the voice of an eventual winner who, after suffering a temporary loss, has come back even stronger than before to teach the peasants an unforgettable lesson.

What had been an overwhelming victory suddenly became a crushing defeat. This is America. Change is supposed to come through the vote. When the people speak and elect their representatives, their choices are to be accepted. None of them expected what happened once Bernie actually won. The man who’d been elected President had promised a revolution. He’d delivered a victory but the counter-revolution was something nobody anticipated. 

“In case you’re wondering, we have no interest in any of your contacts, or in anything you can tell us, for that matter. You being here is simply routine. Nothing else.”

Jeremy thought his more vocal opinions probably contributed to his ending up here. They hadn’t anticipated the coup. Nobody on his side had fully appreciated how deeply entrenched the corporations had become within the military. Only a few days after the election results were certified, before Bernie could take the oath of office, the incumbent declared martial law, nullifying the election and Bernie was soon behind bars. The corporate military was now slowly rounding up his more vocal supporters.

Another terrorist plot against free market capitalism had been thwarted. Jeremy is learning the new drill.

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Sale - AK47s - Free Lobotomy with Purchase

John was wondering why he was where he was. After all, he’d purchased the weapon weeks ago.

“And when was it, exactly, that you decided you needed an automatic rifle?” Filling out a form, Marsha, an intake worker, concentrates on her computer screen, making no eye contact with the new admission.

“I don’t know. I saw the ad online. You know. Don’t we all have the right to protect ourselves?”

“Yes. Of course. And how were you planning to use this automatic weapon?” John couldn’t see Marsha’s fingers on the keyboard but he could hear faint clicks as she typed away.

“Well, like I said, I’ve taken it to the range a couple of times. Just to get the feel for it, you know. Ammunition ain’t cheap.” John shifted his butt on the metal chair. He wondered how long this would all take.

“No, it is not. Now, John, I’m sure you didn’t purchase the AK47 just to fire it at the range. Am I right?”

“Certainly not. Not at all. A man needs to protect himself and those close to him. It’s my right. I bought this particular weapon for self-protection.”

“So, John, when you think about your AK, what do you imagine doing with it? Do you visualize real targets when you’re at the range? And did you read the advertisement for what you were buying? ‘Sale - AK47s - Free Lobotomy with Purchase’” This time Marsha looks up from the screen and meets Bob’s eye. “You know what I mean.”

“Sure do. Mostly when I’m firing off rounds I try to concentrate on the targets. But sometimes, you know, I do imagine a whole bunch of fellas running at me with guns, trying to kill me and take my stuff. But I’ve got the AK and I mow them all down. Superior fire power wins every time.” John misses the feel of the AK47 in his arms.

“So, John, you think there are armed, dangerous, people out there who are going to attack you and the best way to deal with the problem is to shoot and kill them?”

“Roger that.”

“And the people you imagine attacking you? Who are they?” Marsha looks at John with all the compassion she can muster.

“Well, sometimes they’re terrorists and sometimes they’re minorities trying to break into my house and sometimes it’s like they’re zombies or carrying some other disease. Citizens need to protect themselves.”

“I understand, John. Is that the reason you carry yourAK47 around town and to the mall and places like that?”

“Absolutely.”

“And like I asked before, did you understand exactly what you were getting with your purchase?” Marsha smiles her sweetest smile.

“Absolutely. I bought one fine combat rifle.”

“And what else, John?”

“Oh, that.” John nods. “I was wondering exactly who was going to get the free lobotomy though.”

Marsha removes her fingers from the keyboard. “John, if you’d accompany me into the next room, I’m sure the doctor will answer all your questions to your complete satisfaction.”

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Another Spiritual Journey

You know, looking back at things, I’m pretty glad I decided not to be a scumbag.


Sure, I know what’s running through your mind. You’re thinking I really wanted to be a scumbag but that I tried and failed. After all, to your way of thinking, everybody wants to be a scumbag but only the cream rises to the top. People who wanted to be scumbags and failed, litter the streets like so many homeless wheeling their shopping carts through neighborhoods where they don’t belong.

I was raised to be a scumbag. Went to scumbag prep school and attended a scumbag liberal arts college. The pressure was great to be a scumbag just like everyone else. Money, available sex partners, fine wine, acceptance, these were just a few of the perks that went along with being a card carrying scumbag.

I even tried being a scumbag for a while. Nice job, desk, air conditioning, sweet paycheck, respect of the community. All I had to do for eight hours a day, five days a week, fifty weeks a year, was see to it that everyone followed the rules and assure scumbags stayed on top of the social pyramid. Easy enough. Too easy if you don’t mind my saying.

Don’t exactly remember when I realized there was only one place the road I was on was leading. I was going to be a scumbag for the rest of my life. Easy street. Nice living and a comfortable retirement. The American dream. My job was to keep my eyes where my bosses and friends wanted me to focus, and pay no attention to what was going on to people who weren’t fortunate enough to be scumbags like me.

Must have been four election cycles back. I surveyed the dozen or so candidates vying for the nominations of their respective parties, and I suddenly realized I had no choice other than to vote for another scumbag just like myself. Rank and privilege and basic scumbaggedness was so entrenched in our society that hardly anyone in the upper echelons even realized they were scumbags anymore.

Only choice anyone had was to elect another scumbag. I was one, I knew exactly what being a scumbag meant. It meant being a morally empty, ethically compromised, upper middle class, and above piece of shit who was willing to sell most of society down the river in order to maintain their own piece of the pie and eat it too. When faced with seeing only scumbags like myself running the country, I knew it was time for me to change teams.

So I quit. I quit being a scumbag. I didn’t begrudge my friends and co-workers who remained scumbags. Most of them had families to support and those who didn’t were looking forward to starting scumbag families of their own. I kissed Scumbagville goodbye and never looked back.

It wasn’t easy going cold turkey. Those jobs where my scumbag skills would have stood me in good stead couldn’t accept someone who’d turned their back on the scumbag tribe. Those people who’d  never been scumbags couldn’t bring themselves to trust someone who they could only assume was still a scumbag.

It was a classic Catch-22 situation. Once a scumbag, always a scumbag. To most people it was beyond their imagination that such a thing as an ex-scumbag could possibly exist.

Over the years things got a little better. I learned to adapt. I accepted scumbags would probably be controlling things until the day I died. I accepted the inevitable. Scumbags ruled.

And then, along came Bernie.

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Tax Their Sinful Ways

We in the United States need a definition of greed. We need to settle on a figure. Just how much is too much? When does accumulating some become hoarding too much? When does a fat cat become an obese cat? 

Who doesn’t like taxing cigarettes and alcohol? They’re easy targets. Everybody knows too much of either is bad for you. Our government takes a serious piece of the action to discourage gluttonous consumption of both smokes and booze and to help defer the health costs their use incurs. It’s generally accepted governments should discourage destructive, sinful behavior either by taxes, fees, or the criminal justice system. We’ve been doing this for generations. But as of late we seem to have turned a blind eye to an ongoing evil. How did greed, one of the seven deadly sins, manage to avoid paying for the damage it has done to society?

Even an occasional smoker or the most moderate of drinkers is forced to pay sin taxes. Even if you limit yourself to a cigarette a month or a martini at Christmas, you pay the same rate as chain smokers and potential DUIs. But the greediest, most avaricious, “I’d rather spit in your face than give you a nickel” billionaire usually pays less proportional taxes than the most frugal citizen on the low end of the income spectrum. With the present tax rates in place, it appears this government actually encourages greed. 

Greed is not good. Greed will forever remain a deadly sin, one of the top seven. When a billionaire boasts about his accumulated wealth, it’s like a glutton rhapsodizing on how he’s eaten non-stop for the past forty years, while addressing an audience that hasn’t had a solid meal in weeks. Somehow the United States, this allegedly Christian nation, has forgotten that obscene accumulation of wealth is remains an abomination unto their Lord. Fortune and Barrons and The Wall Street Journal might as well be kiddie porn in the way they egg on their rapacious readers. The message of this culture promotes ripping off as much as you can from your fellow man. 

Greed needs to be defined. A dollar limit needs be set. If you earn more than this country’s President for an extended period of time, and you keep accumulating more and more, you might be a greedy redneck. If you never worked a day in your life, and you clip coupons purchased by your grandfather while sipping champagne in a Park Avenue penthouse, you probably are an avaricious prepster. If you work for a Fortune 500 company and earn more than 20 times the income of its lowest paid employee, you almost certainly are a greedy sinful scumbag.

Getting back to the sin tax part. How does a society discourage its citizens from engaging in avaricious behavior? When does reasonable accumulation become greed, a deadly sin? It was only a few decades ago that this country decided taxing greed wasn’t necessary. All that “trickle down Economics” rubbish gave rise to a tax rate which presently allows the obscenely rich among us to accumulate unbridled wealth. Following this trend, those citizens not in the top half of one percent of income will soon be left with next to nothing. 

Where do you draw the line? How’s this for a modest proposal, every dollar taken in over one million dollars a year (averaged) should be taxed at a 90% rate. Certainly the vast majority of citizens will agree that if a person believes they need more than a million a year to survive, they’re being a bit greedy. And as we all know, sin taxes are meant to discourage evil behavior.

Greed is hard to recognize at times. Like pornography it might forever remain a judgement call. Greed falls under the “I don’t know exactly but ‘I know it when I see it’ rule”. But pretty much everyone can see grasping for more than a million bucks a year is pretty damn greedy.

It’s long past time to seriously tax the greediest among us. It’s time to help curtail their evil habit. Greed will forever remain a sin. In so many ways. 

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Elect Maggie Thatcher President of the United States

Consider the under represented majorities in the United States, in the world for that matter, and pretty soon you’re going to come across the most ignored majority of them all. Sure, they’ve been getting a lot of broadcast media time these days, but that’s simply a way to placate their aspirations  with shiny objects while the real power remains where it always has been. Having television shows named after them and hiring many as roaming extras is one thing, but what’s been missing is real power. Political power. It’s time to rectify this egregious deliberate oversight. It’s time for a great representative for the unrepresented.

Former Prime Minister of Great Britain, Maggie Thatcher fits the bill. Even dead she remains one of the all time great Corporate Fascist leaders. Nobody ever had more friends in the financial communities. The Clintons don’t even come close. She won office on her own; not following in the footsteps of husband, father, or brother. She remains an icon for the dead, women, and Corporate Fascists all around the world. As the first dead, foreign, woman President of the United States, she will represent the three great under represented majorities, women, foreigners,  and the dead.  Corporate Fascists have occupied the Oval Office for a long time.
 
Let’s face it, everyone votes for their own kind. Men vote for men. Women vote for women. Whites for whites. Blacks for blacks. Latinos for Latinos. Like attracts like. Doesn’t matter how many people they’ve droned or how much Wall Street money was funneled into their charities, when people see a chance to vote for someone like themself, just about everyone takes it.

Obama is a classic example. He mouthed the proper words and looked right, so people voted for him. Nobody checked him out. He turns out to be the best thing the Corporate Fascists could have ever dreamed. Obama charmed and didn’t offend, bingo, he’s elected.

Now’s the chance to really dig up the vote. Listen, we’re all going to be dead one day, so why not elect someone who has our future interests as their own?

Maggie Thatcher as the first dead, woman, Corporate Fascist president covers all the essential bases. Thatcher’s a woman, a Corporate Fascist,  and she’s dead; so she peleases our future selves, international business, the feminists and the misogynists all at the same time. Hillary Clinton only pleases the feminists and the Corporate Fascists, and Jill Stein only the feminists. Who’s the obvious choice?

As far as Maggie not being a United States citizen, no worry there, after all, once we’re dead, everyone becomes a de facto citizen of the world. And that beats all the experience any Secretary of State ever had.

At the very least any dead candidate can be assured of winning the Chicago vote.

Vote for Maggie Thatcher! Who cares how she’s acted, as long as she’s one of us!

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Are You Now, or Have You Ever Been...

Can such a simple and small action as raising taxes on the extremely wealthy be revolutionary? It seems that these days it can be.

Before chucking it all and moving somewhere off the grid where the oligarchs will never find us, there is one question which should be asked of every American politician seeking office this election cycle.

“Are you in favor of increasing taxes on millionaires? Yes or no.”

For decades corporate shills have terrorized American politicians by, among other things, forcing them to sign pledges not to raise taxes.

Everyone hates paying taxes. What else is new? By framing their anti-tax position in such a way as to appear populist, “big government wants to take all the little guy’s money”,  the oligarchs have picked the country’s pockets and weakened all governmental structures. Say what you will about this representative system, it’s a hell of a lot better than rule by corporations abetted by those protecting inherited wealth.

During a period when extremism is rampant, it’s time for a little fine tuning.

“Are you in favor of increasing taxes on millionaires? Yes or No.”

A simple question. For those who reply in the affirmative, fine and dandy, (Yes, all politicians lie at times, but that’s not the point.) For those who say no, or who dance and dodge and trot out the usual bullshit, the line has been drawn. Even the most libertarian, brain dead ideologue knows by now that wealth disparity in this country has reached a critical stage. Not being in favor of taxing millionaires will put that politician on the wrong side of the argument when the votes are cast. Contrary to what corporate media wishes everyone to think, Americans truly do despise everyone who attempts to hog all the money.

Of equal, or possibly more value, this question will shift the topic of conversation from where to cut government, to how tax revenue will be raised to improve this country. Schools, roads, bridges, alternative energy, disaster relief, food; all these essentials cost money to build, maintain, and distribute. It is time for corporations and oligarchs to pay more than their fair share.

To paraphrase words attributed to Willie Sutton, “That’s where the money is.”

“Are you in favor of increasing taxes on millionaires? Yes or No.”

A simple question but it will smoke out those who are on the take in the shortest time possible. If anyone thinks this is playing on class divisions, you can tell them damn straight it is. Now is the time for Americans to take back their country and the money that goes along with it.


Remember: billionaires are millionaires a thousand times over.

Small things must be done in order to survive and fight another day.

When a room is in total darkness, it’s radical to turn on any light.

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The New Health Care Marketplace - "Nice Rash, Buddy"

Published by
Dissident Voice

“Nice rash, buddy.”

Saul believed Wednesday morning would be the best time for his visit to the New Health Care Market.

“Hey, $55 dollars and we’ll have that urticaria off your face in no time at all. Money back guarantee!”

They must think Saul is a real greenhorn. Everybody knows whoever has the first stall near the auditorium’s entrance was sure to be peddling overpriced, shoddy product.

“Don’t listen to him. $40 and we’ll have you all looking like new in half an hour.”

Another one. Saul understood they figured he wasn’t just browsing, but he was beginning to feel like chum surrounded by ravenous sharks.

“Johns Hopkins trained. Not like any of these state university assholes. Johns Hopkins. Where else you going to find a bargain like this? Number one medical establishment. No finer school represented in this entire bazaar.”

Saul kept walking as two belligerent doctors screamed and waved diplomas at one another. Fisticuffs looked likely to ensue, so Saul and his rash just kept on moving through this health care maze.

The New Medical Marketplace came into existence two years previous. The World Court ruled for-profit health care to be both a human rights violation and a possible war crime. The existing medical industry, pharmaceutical companies, medical insurers, as well as for-profit hospitals and doctors, all folded up like the cheap suits they were. Not a single bank was willing to front money to organizations subject to civil and criminal proceedings certain to bankrupt them. Without lines of credit, the for-profit health industry disappeared almost overnight.

Saul had enjoyed observing the ensuing medical/corporate shit storm. Hospitals and private practices which had utilized most of their manpower filling out insurance forms, soon brought their investors to their knees. Insurance companies, their corporate model based on percentages above cost, began focusing on real competitive business rather than seeing how high they could drive medical billing. Used Cadillac and Lexus SUVs soon flooded the market. Saul, since he drove so very little, and the price was even better than right, indulged himself a little and purchased the last ridiculously large gas guzzler he was sure he would ever buy. He only used it short trips around town. For serious driving, he now rented.

For the vast majority of citizens, the demise of the for-profit, insurance driven medical community was a great bonus. Eventually certain corrupt diehard congressman would lose their seats and Medicare for all would become the law of the land. For now, until public funds were available to hire all qualified medical professionals as public servants, these true free market medical farmers’ markets fulfilled a need.

Saul made his way through the crowd, eventually he spotted the booth where Dr. Bob, the Falafel King, peddled his wares. Saul had done his homework. He knew the Falafel King provided good service for an extremely reasonable price.

Dr. Bob remained one of the few medical professionals at the market still employing a nurse. “He does great work. There’s always enough money to share.” In and out of Dr. Bob’s establishment in under forty-five minutes, Saul agreed with the prescribed treatment and the fifty dollars out-of-pocket included a month’s worth of the prescribed drugs. On his way out, the satisfied patient purchased enough falafels for dinner that night. Dr. Bob certainly knew how to keep a business running.

Driving home in his gently used SUV, Saul did feel a moment of compassion for the doctors who these days had to scramble for every nickel. Eventually they would all come around and accept salaries topped off at what was paid to U.S. Senators. Until they learn the lesson of what a real marketplace is, rather than the rigged insurance racket they’d help perpetrate for so many years, these M.D. gurus would have to share mall space with the local farmers. Until they learned their real value to the community, they’d have to sell their services by the side of the road just like everybody else.

Saul pulled into his garage and returned to the warmth of his home, a satisfied medical consumer looking forward to a tasty dinner.

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