Obama Resigns

AP 01-21-10 10:35 PM

In a fit of rampant bi-partisanship, Barack Obama announced today that, "I intend to become the first President (not about to be impeached), the first Black President, the first Hawaiian President, of these United States, to resign from office."

Realizing, at long last, that after one year in the White House his only remaining supporters were paid employees of the war/medical/pharmaceutical/insurance/money laundering machines, today President Obama finally made a proposal upon which both sides of the aisle could agree.

"I mean, seriously folks, why on earth did you ever expect someone with as little experience with the top levels of government to be anything other than a poster boy for military industrial complex? They’ve been at this for a long, long time. I was in the Senate for what, a couple of weekends? Truly, I am sorry. The accommodations were wonderful and Michelle and the girls had a great time, but we are so out of here. To tell the truth, I’d rather be on the beaches of the great state of Hawaii."

News of Obama’s resignation was greeted with relief. "Joe Biden’s no great shakes but at least he isn’t going to listen to anything the Republicans have to say." said a senior Senator. This seemed to be the general consensus of most Democrats on hearing the news.

From the other side of the aisle, former Presidential candidate John McCain wished his one time opponent well and "Thank God Barack is doing this. He scared the hell out of us. I mean, was he sleepwalking or what?"

Reached for comment the President presumptive, Vice-President Joe Biden, mentioned something about trains not being available for the additional commute.
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Inscriptions on Breschard, the Circus Rider, not by Gilbert Stuart

There  appears to be a good deal of confusion about the two inscriptions at the bottom corners of this painting. As has been shown by the National Gallery of Art, these two inscriptions were placed on the canvas years after the work was completed. The guesses as to what the names may be are both many and confusing. They were not added by Gilbert Stuart but by someone unknown which is what is meant by "later hand". The names are neither Ricketts nor Breschard. Not even the NGA uses these signatures to indicate who the actual sitter is.

http://www.nga.gov/fcgi-bin/tinfo_f?object=3160&detail=ins

from the NGA

Inscription

in a later hand, lower left: Portrait of / Mr Rickarts / Horse Equestraine [sic] / Friend of the artist / Gilbert Stuart; in a later hand, lower right: Portrait of Rickarts / Horse Equestrian / An Intimate Friend of / Gilbert Stuarts

These indecipherable inscriptions, added long after the painting was completed by someone other than Gilbert Stuart, are useless in deciding who was the sitter for this portrait.
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Non-Comic Strips, Almond Division

Many things in life are like lifting a heavy weight. This recipe is one of them. There are two truisms that come to mind whenever I know I’m about to strain every muscle in my body and possibly sustain minor to more than minor injury. Three things actually. One: Avoid injury. Two: lift with your legs. (If you learn anything from all of this, lift with your legs is as good a lesson as any.) But this recipe has nothing to do with these first two thoughts. Mostly. Number three is what concerns us here. Number three, as we all should have learned a long time ago, reads: Before you lift something heavy, know where you’re going to put it after you have it in hand. You really don’t want to be walking around going, “Where shall I place this awfully heavy object which is causing me such pain as I walk around with it in my hands looking for a place to unload the damn thing other than from where I just picked it up? Ouch.”

We are here to avoid that pain. Know what you are going to do with these almondy wonders before you launch into this recipe. Know that you are going to send a dozen to the neighbors. Know that your nieces and nephews will enjoy them without end. Know that your overweight rival in the office will gobble them down and thus be one step closer to taking six months of medical leave due to the triple bypass. Know that the two women sharing the apartment down the hall are going to be just as pleased as punch.

Do not leave these around your own premises. You may keep a half dozen for yourself and a friend. If you do not disperse these immediately you will end up looking like the Pillsbury Doughboy, a sad cross between an adorable adult infant and the guy from the old neighborhood who still lives in his grandparents’ basement, is at least 200 pounds overweight and gives off vibes similar to a bad slasher movie.

You have been warned.

½ cup unsalted butter (one stick)
1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 cup sugar
1 egg
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon almond extract
a wee bit of milk
½ cup sliced almonds, roughly chopped
Powdered Yet Drippy Sugar Icing

Take the butter and egg out of the refrigerator an hour before you want to make these. You have to get the ingredients in the mood. Warm them up a bit. Ease into it. None of that, “Honey, I’m home, let’s do it” shit. Room temperature ingredients. This is the French way.

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Beat the crap out of the butter with an electric mixer for about thirty seconds at medium speed. If you don’t have an electric mixer, you probably already have massive forearms so I’m not going to help you out.

Toss in 1 cup of flour, all the sugar, your warmed, desirable egg, baking powder, as well as the almond extract. Hit it again with the mixer until completely integrated then toss in the rest of the flour and beat it. Really beat it.

Take this dough and toss it onto a marginally floured cutting board. Chop the dough into four equal parts. Take each one of these and roll it into a twelve inch long roll. You will feel like an idiot but just do it. Take out an ungreased cookie sheet and place the rolls on it about five inches apart. Using the karate chop edge of your hand, flatten the rolls until they’re about three inches wide.

Take out your pastry brush (I know, I know), and lightly paint the now flattened rolls with a wee bit of the milky.

Shove that cookie sheet into that 325 oven and let ‘er rip for 13 minutes, give or take sixty seconds. When you eyeball these toasted tubes, the edges should be slightly brown, like really over whitened coffee. Take them out of the oven then diagonally slice the suckers into 1 (one) inch(“) strips. Cool these babies down on a wire rack (I said, I already know). Drip the disgusting looking icing (recipe follows) all over these puppies. And then get them out of your house.

(Powdered Yet Drippy Sugar Icing - cup powdered sugar, 1/4 teaspoon vanilla, a little milk. Mix sugar, vanilla, and a tablespoon milk together. Add milk a teaspoon at a time until it looks drippingly, disgustingly perfect for slobbering over your almond non-comic strips.)

Then get them out of your house, Doughboy.
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Breschard or Ricketts? One reason why this matters

One of the most important functions of any government is the education of children. A  major part of the National Gallery of Art's brief is to aid in the development of America's next generation of citizens. When the government starts disseminating incorrect information to children, and this error is discovered, immediate action should be taken.

Now one might think that Stuart's portrait of a Circus Rider is a small thing. One painting out of hundreds of Stuarts out there. What's the big deal?

follow this link: National Gallery of Art - Gilbert Stuart for Kids

This is the NGA own childrens' guide to Gilbert Stuart. The first painting selected is obvious, The Skater. But the second? Even before the portrait of George Washington! Before the founder of this country! Before Adams, Jefferson, Madison and Monroe! Why it's Breschard, the Circus Rider. Amazing. Before George Washington is Jean Baptiste Breschard, the Circus Rider, Circus Owner, Theatrical Impresario, and a major donor to the first public school in New York City. And, look, there's the story of how Jefferson and Lafayette attended the opening of the Walnut Street Theatre with Breschard. Read it yourself. It's right there in the guide for children.

But wait. That's not the story that's there. And the NGA says that the portrait is of somebody named Ricketts, not Breschard. Instead they tell a story of John Bill Ricketts and George Washington. Probably a true story but it has nothing to do with this painting. It's simply a convenient story which the NGA thinks is as good as any to tell children. The facts of the story may be true, but the reason for it being told isn't factual.

It's not right for the National Gallery of art to spread misinformation to children. Or is it?
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