LUIGI

by Peter Breschard

SEE IT FROM MY POINT OF VIEW.

YOU UNDERSTAND IT, DON'T YOU? 

IT'S YOU AND ME.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ME AND YOU.

SURE I'M IN PAIN. 

GREATEST PAIN I'VE EVER KNOWN. 

IN MY LIFE I'VE RARELY BEEN DENIED. 

THIS PAIN WILL BE WITH ME AS LONG AS I LIVE. 

OR POSSIBLY NOT. 

WHEN THEY FIND A WAY TO MAKE MY AGONY GO AWAY. 

I'LL BE FIRST IN LINE. 

I'LL ALWAYS BE AT THE BEGINNING. 

I DON'T MIND BEING ONE OF THE FIRST, 

AS LONG AS NOBODY ELSE HAS TO SUFFER OR DIE.

I'M TAKING ADVANTAGE OF PRIVILEGES I HAVE HAD NO DUTY CONFERRING. 

YOU UNDERSTAND DON'T YOU? 

YOU GET THAT DON'T YOU? 

IT IS OUR SYSTEM. 

IT'S A PAYOFF. 

A BRIBE. 

SAID THE ORANGE PUSSYCATS. 

WE ARE IDIOTS ABOUT EVERYTHING. 

WITH ONE OR TWO EXCEPTIONS. 

IF THAT MANY? 

RIGHT? 

RIGHT OR WRONG? 

YES OR NO?

HOW CLOSE DO YOU HAVE TO BE? 

DO YOU HAVE TO LOOK AWAY FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD? 

HOW CLOSE DOES CARNAGE HAVE TO COME? 

TO YOUR CITY? 

IN YOUR COUNTRY? 

TO YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD? 

TO YOUR HOME? 

TO YOUR BED? 

DOES CARNAGE FOLLOW YOU TO ITS GRAVE? 

TO YOUR GRAVE? 

AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO TO STOP IT? 

WHAT DOES THE LAW HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? 

THE GREAT ABOLITIONIST JOHN BROWN FAILED AT HARPER'S FERRY 

BUT SUCCEEDED ELSEWHERE. 

HE RAIDED PLANTATIONS WHERE SLAVES WERE KEPT. 

BEFORE HARPERS FERRY BROWN MANAGED TO FREE SOME SLAVES.

HE TOOK HOSTAGES WHILE DOING SO. 

WHERE WAS THE MORALITY THERE? 

IS FREEING SLAVES NOT THE MOST NOBLE OF AMBITIONS? 

NOW THERE IS A MAN DEAD WHO PARTICIPATED IN, 

NO, 

HE LEAD, 

A DEADLY HEALTH INSURANCE FLIMFLAM

 CAUSING INCALCULABLE PREVENTABLE DEATHS.

THE SLAUGHTER OF INNOCENTS.

THE RIGHT TO DEFEND A THIRD PERSON 

GENERALLY COMES FROM THE RIGHT OF SELF-DEFENSE. 

FACTS THAT WOULD EXCUSE A KILLING IN SELF-DEFENSE

 WILL ALSO EXCUSE A KILLING IN DEFENSE OF ANOTHER. 

MAKE NO MISTAKE

THE MAN I KILLED WAS A KILLER.

AND HE WAS KILLING EVERY DAY.

MAYBE WHAT I DID WILL STOP THEM. 

OR, AT LEAST, BEGIN TO STOP THEIR CARNAGE.

 

DAY ONE OF RECOVERY

by Peter Breschard 

One of three men perched on the grammar school's small stage smartly lifts himself from his seat to address the gathering.

Welcome to MAGA GONE. You can call me Richard and I'd like to extend good wishes to all of the first-timers here today.

Richard raises his arms, gesturing either a wide open welcome, or somebody just kicked a field goal.

Give yourself a hand!

The group neither enthusiastically nor unenthusiastically applauds.

Yes, all of you, give them a hand!

Hands. Hands. And even more hands. It's virtually a reunion of Dutch Cousins.

All of us, I guess, we're about 35 or so here tonight. There's quite a few more than the usual number of newcomers this week. Understandable that.

All us old timers know what it's like stepping through these doors the first time. It can be a frightening experience. This is one hell of a decision you've made. We know. We've been there. We know. So welcome!

Again with the "Good Kick" signal.

You first timers are the bravest folks I've seen all day! Welcome!

Stand up and let us all take pride in you!

Richard encourages all of the newcomers to rise and they stand up. Count nears a dozen. Many nod, appreciating these warm welcomes.

All right. As you probably already know, this chapter of MAGA GONE, Make America Great Again But Just Don't Tell Anyone How We're Doing It, meets right here every week at 7:00 on the dot.

Of course we discourage tardiness but we also know life goes on outside this room, so, do your best to get here on time. But know you'll be welcome whenever you arrive. You've got enough to worry about without worrying about us.

A smattering.

Good. Now just settle in.

We've got coffee and some snacks in the back and the restrooms are, well, just follow the signs. Or the cosines. Not to go off on a tangent. Or anything like that.

Some small smutted groans.

Right. Sorry. Yeah, the jokes get worse every week but at least they all add up.

No rim shot. No rims.

No more Math, Rich.

Scattered calls from audience. Your call. Feature an identifiable face isolated from the rest?

Well thanks. That's just about sums it all up.

A gentle almost silence.

Anyhow let's get down to the business of what we're doing here. Why we're all here. And will probably be here for a while.

WE FUCKED UP

WE LISTENED AND NODDED

WE LET IT ROLL ALL OVER US

WE ACCEPTED BY NOT OBJECTING

Silence with a cleared throat. Too much?

And if you have any doubts as to why you're here, remember how much you, and maybe whoever you live with, contributed to the shit show we're all living through right now.

Some approving noises.

Thank you. And thank all of you for coming tonight. We've got a lot of work to do. A lot of cleaning up. Harry, the floor is yours.

Polite recognition and general agreement. Mumbling? Or clear verbal responses?

Hey guys, You can call me Harry and I've been with MAGA GONE for over 5 years now.

I gave up on the Chump and the rest of his clown show after he'd been in office about a year. Took me a while to connect to this group but I sure am glad I stayed looking for others who'd also tossed their little red caps into the trash. Reminds me of Mao's Little Red Book, but that's something else entirely.

Let me give you my reasons for being here.

Harry has the group's attention.

NUMBER ONE: let's start with something I think we agree on. Just about all government officials and politicians in powerful positions are crooks. Maybe there's one or two out there who isn't getting rich off the public dime, but they're rare. And a lot of us are here because we realized there is a big difference between a cop getting a free lunch at a diner and the children of their "lord and savior" on Earth's daughter and son-in-law getting billions of dollars from the Saudis. Just a little bit of a difference. A couple of billion. We all know that, but some still haven't realized what it means. Telling your barber to take a little off the top is a whole lot different than having him shave your head bald.

Mostly attentive silence?

NUMBER TWO: Which leads into my second point. There are way too many MAGA extremists. There are way too many of them willing to execute members of my own family who had an abortion. You know it's true. These folks are rabid. I mean it's one thing to post something online, it's another thing altogether to fire bomb a city because you think there's too much litter. MAGA is just too full of way too many crazies. Damn they are dangerous. Owning a rifle is one thing. Owning a couple of dozen machine guns and the makings for a bunch of IEDs is another.

A couple of "you bet brother"s. And possibly a woman's voice is heard. Yes/No?

NUMBER THREE: They claim to be all pro-American and America first and all that but MAGA leaders will sell out to foreign interests for a dollar. It takes a bit of time to realize just how much all those MAGA corporations are basically controlled by foreign oil money. Hell, the oil companies themselves are pretty much run by Middle Eastern money. The MAGA leadership wants corporations, foreigners, to control this country. MAGA's leadership has been bought and sold to those foreign aliens I don't even know how many times.

Preach.

NUMBER FOUR: Life isn't professional wrestling. It's ain't the WWE. Village idiots shouldn't be in positions of power. You know it's fun watching everybody throw chairs at one another on a Saturday morning but you also have to know when it's time to hire somebody to pick up the garbage once a week, you don't want somebody whose skill set is knowing how to beat their own chest, throw chairs into the ring, and scream and cuss at their opponent. Choosing somebody who's done the job, or at least something like it, before should be taken into account before hiring them. It's our goddamn tax money they're throwing away when they put total incompetent a-holes into places they have no place being.

NUMBER FIVE: We're not racists

Amen to that, here and there. Or something less religious?

Democrats talk down to people. Trump told us lots of horrible shit but he never called us or our family "deplorables". It sure is real easy not to like Dems. But...

But pardoning cop killers? I know this was the last straw for some of you newbies here tonight. Cruds who beat up cops trying to protect the Congress? Are they frigging kidding? If a bank guard dies from a heart attack after a bank robbery the same way those cops did following the attack on Congress, those robbers are prosecuted for murder. The maniacs who broke into the Capitol should be tried for murder the same way anybody is if someone dies while they're committing a crime.

Serious applause? Stunned silence?

We're not racists. Not the way people think. Sure maybe we're not found fond of blacks. We don't like ghetto shit. Boy. But it's more like we don't like different shit. We were raised with white people, for the most part. So we're used to the white way of doing things. Hell, I've only had jerk chicken once in my life. It's the strange that bothers us. Black, brown, yellow, most of us don't care. As long as you don't serve food that's not steaks, burgers, and all the fixings. And we don't mean to get any more bad off financially than we might already be. Keep the cheap seats away from us. Poor people of any type probably want what we already have.

My mother's older brother, my uncle Phil, didn't get shot and killed fighting Germans so some foreign punk can stand next to the President of the United States and act like he's the richest Nazi who ever lived. Take your heil Hitler salute and shove it where the sun don't shine, you little piece of shit.

Applause and some whistling. One or two"Fuck 'em"s.

Here's Jake.

Harry sits down

Usual response.

Jake moves to center stage. Microphone or no?

Both parties are wasting our time on insignificant shit like checking passport boxes for sex orientation. Only 17,000 people a year are affected by that. 17,000 out of something like 350 million. That's one out of every 20,000 people. Why are they wasting our time? Both sides screaming constantly about little crap. Wasting our time on something so insignificant and at the same time in our country and around the world it's the hottest ever. I want my grandchildren to live in a world where the temperature is under a hundred degrees all the time. Who gives a flaming whatever if somebody you will never meet checks some stupid government form?

I'm old enough to remember when Los Angeles had the worst smog outside of India. We fixed that pretty much even when the oil companies said smog was bull hockey.

And all this abortion crap. We know we're not going to have our 14 year old daughter have a rapist's child. Ain't going to happen. No way. It's time we came to decisions like that and let other folks know how wrong they are.

We're tired of people thinking it's all our fault. It isn't. Most our families weren't in this country before the damn Civil War. We couldn't have owned slaves.

Our families worked their asses off just to stay alive. Like everybody else's families. Maybe we got helped a little more than most but we never had any say in all that. We're working like everybody else.

Just give me a slice, a beer, and let me watch the game on a big screen. What's the matter with that? I know it's not that simple. But all the money is going into the hands of people who just want to keep us down and us never looking up to see how good things actually could be.

This is America, damn, and the people taking our money aren't the people who have nothing. They really are not the real threat. It's the people who already have it all and just want more and more and more who reach into our pockets and take what they want.

I hope no one in your families ever gets real sick and the hospital expenses just wipe you out. I've seen it. I've been close to that being me. It's bad news. And Black Rock and the rest of them just make more and more cash for each one of us who just dies before the insurance companies shell out to pay for your real needs. I don't know. I don't know. Thanks.

Jake sits.

More enthusiastic or more sympathetic responses?

Rabble roused or hearts touched?

Richard stands.

Remember, we don't want you to do anything rash now that you've come to understand what MAGA really is. We've heard stories of guys, mostly guys, who realized what idiots they've been. How much harm they've done, and they've gone to either hurt themselves or blown up a building or something really stupid.

No, Sir.

None of that here. None of that. And if you ever get to feeling like, like you want to hurt yourself, or hurt something else, or somebody else, you just pick up your cell and call that number we gave you when you walked into this auditorium.

That's why we're here tonight. We're here to help each other get through this and maybe help some others along the way.

Remember there's coffee in the back.

Half stand. Some begin quiet conversations with their neighbors. Small groups?

Richard.

Well, we've been here a while and you old timers know how to make the newbies feel right at home. So anybody else have something to say?

Public silence? Private voices.

OK. Then coffee and snacks in the back, like I said. I know some of you guys will be heading over to the Roadhouse later on so that's about it.

Some from the group leave the auditorium.

Next week same time same place

We'll all help America be great again but this time without MAGA.

Have a good night folks.

Close or continue?

END

IN CONVERSATION WITH # (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR) AND # (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

(# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR) AND # (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN))

by Peter Breschard

(NOTE: Across an unadorned pine table #4 and #7 at times look to one another.)

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

What do you do when the cache is full? Does it all spill out into some universe none of us have ever imagined?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Say what?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

No, think about it From that first instant when, all at once, the senses release themselves to this universe. Immense amounts of what might as well be called data, bombards us with an incalculable jumble.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

You are going to continue this?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Do we simply create the reality our senses transmit to our brain and all the jigsaw pieces are editorialized and sorted and indexed and filed? And we put these jigsaw pieces somewhere near other similar pieces and then we name it?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

You want a coffee?

(NOTE: Gender neutral. GODOT. Use best actors available.

They sit across from one another at the table.

Omniscient narrator and characters.)

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Which inevitably leads to how I created you and everything else I perceive.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Thank gods!

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Not that I am. Silly. Certainly not by my own conception of such a creator. By definition: Non.

Does attaining a certain age effect the editing process?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Of course. Is there any place worth calling out for so we can eat in?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

All those years atop one another. Quadrillions of sensory data feeds. Memory of data bits, bytes, buffered beyond belief.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Or a B Plus.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

There has to be a limit. We are solids, not ethereal. (I would creatively assume.)

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Do we actually play it this way?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Any way we want to play it. Or I want to play it. Or you want to play it, if what I am perceiving as my own creation turns out to be simply your projection of me attempting to understand what you are projecting of my own character in relation to yours. It's all quite simple if we view it that way.

(NOTE: They push their chairs inches away from the table.)

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Or not.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

For the moment, let us assume that you are my creation.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Thank you so very much.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Do you dream?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

At times. Often before breakfast.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Do you dream of a day you have already imagined to live? And in your dream are only small details deformed?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Deformed? Do you mean changed? How much do we have to tip for delivery? Could I possibly imagine a larger tip?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

There it is. A dream of fortune. So common.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

There were mornings before attending child school. Changing faces of numerous pedagogues. Possibly seeing what would occur later in the day. Possibly living in a memory of a distorted memory within a dream. Possibly your dream. Or mine.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

We take our previous interpretation, and we dream of finer design. We send that imagining into the as yet unknowing universe.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Our dreams are other interpretations. We might or might not still choose? Coffee?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Always will remain a possibility of going back. But again, how can we have initial sensory input if all we know to be is our own construct? Which could not have existed before one's own consciousness.

NOTE: They sit two minutes drinking coffee.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Difficult to design a tastier cup.

(NOTE: Should reader be brought in at this point?)

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Imagine that.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

I really don't have to. I am drinking it.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

So you see what's been done? Don't you?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Smell. Eyeball. Touch. Taste. Yes, I have the general idea. And if I slosh it around a bit, I can hear it.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

When did you imagine the coffee plantations in South America? I know I didn't. So you must have dreamt all the heat, humidity, and the inhumane slave trade along with everything else that goes into harvesting little beans someone grinds to bits then lets sit in nearly boiling water until every last flavinoid, or whatever, blends with the H2O, and you imagine such a combination to be in some ways enjoyable. Good for you.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Why don't we both leave administration of these worldly estates to you?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Wouldn't that be nice?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Fine by me.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

One of us created this world. At least as far as I can now imagine. We certainly are responsible for our creations. We own the world's horrors before our coming to this consciousness. And what will certainly arrive in our perceived future.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Then we certainly can change the past, our future, and this present. Is the door unlocked for the delivery driver?

----------

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

There was a time before?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Before time? There was? Another construct. Created by you or me or the construct itself? So like a picture frame. To isolate what you don't wish to blend into the wall.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Even ancient art?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Can you imagine a worse frame for a drawing than a cave? Adorn your art with poorly illuminated moist rock?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

But there are positives.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Of course there are. Oil paint on canvas can only last so long but art hidden deep within a cave, undisturbed for thousands of centuries, will exist until rediscovered and brought to destruction by the eyes that view.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Nothing is eternal.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Nothing is. Nothing precedes everything. Ergo nothing is eternal but art most certainly is not.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

That's an idea.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Most certainly and to my point of view, one of your best. But the idea itself, now that certainly cannot be eternal.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Thought is not eternal?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

A construct. What we view as thought exists as how we perceive it. Is it expressed in language? Does it exist as an image, be it two or three or possibly four dimensional? We express the thought within our own constructs. Languages perish. Never rediscovered. Three dimensional objects revert to dust. Expressing thought dooms itself by its own existence. Expression is never timeless.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

"I think therefor I am."

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

"Cogito ergo sum." Dare you disagree? If one fails to think does one simply fade into an indescribable form of ether? Or is thought process a thing constantly aware? If you can never stop thinking does thought enslave? Is it thought alone that so many wish to escape? If you imagine life to be eternal what are the limitations to your imagining of existence?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

I think I hear our food.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

I hear therefor I eat.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

I eat therefor I am.

----------

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

And don't forget the background players.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

How can there be a background? Does it not entirely depend upon your focus? What's in the foreground and background all depends upon from where you view.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

And what is that I'm hearing?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Oh, it's always the radio. Your, our, entire kaboodles. Close your eyes. Hear our quiet. Cut out all extraneous noise. And then, it's all radio.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Open your eyes. Their, ours, whoever.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Third base.

----------

VOICE OVER

Taken from IMMORTAL TALES FROM NINETEEN PLANETS. For those of you just joining us now, we've been participating in IN CONVERSATION WITH #(NUMBER) 4 (FOUR) AND # (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN). Have you marveled and puzzled yet? Have #4 and #7 created wonder within your own weary world.

VOICE OVER

But isn't that why we are all here? We've all known creatures similar to #(NUMBER) 4 (FOUR) and # (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN). Are we not similar to them ourselves? Think about that for a moment. But to return.

----------

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

We create our worlds? All the upsides and all the downsides? We create languages which we'll never understand spoken by people of our imagination who we will never meet? And if they never become a concept within our own consciousness they will never exist?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Now you're getting the idea? Or I'm elaborating on a theme entirely new to me where you begin to become a creature of awareness unto yourself. Of course an imaginary creature, such as yourself, could easily become as corporeal as I and begin your own creation voyage. That's not out of the range of utilitarianism which is often of use to myself.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

So how does all of this play out? Cannot I create works of art which will keep me from becoming bored and disillusioned ever again? Can we expand every expanse to be free from ever experiencing eternal ennui?

WHERE’S LAURENCE HARVEY NOW THAT WE NEED HIM?

Take today as an example. Did the nine-to-five without breaking a sweat or breaking into song, so that’s a victory. Had a fine dinner and later as I was sprawled out on the couch an odd assortment of concepts congealed into something somewhat frightening.

They really don’t need him anymore.

“There’s no way he’s going to be this organization’s Presidential candidate.” Beppo had control of the room. “As a matter of fact, there are many of us who consider him an extreme liability. More than anything else, Americans hate horse thieves. And they really, really will fire the wrath of God on a, lying, horse thief. And a whole bunch of our people are seeing him that way now.

“Let’s face it, he’s had his run. It’s time to turn this fucking limping, screeching, obnoxious liability into the best kind of asset we can.”

“How’s about he sicks it out? Comes down with malaria or something?” Kitchen appeared lost in thought.

“Definitely considered. Definitely. His royal fatness, I am sure, hosts numerous ailments which might do him in at any moment but, although illness would very well turn this situation into an asset, we think we might have a way to eke out even more mileage from the old boy.”

“Inheritance baby resigns and anoints another?” Glastonbury intoned the obvious.

“You know Fats isn’t gonna go for that.” Ripper snorted while straightening his tie.

“We have discussed this. As was mentioned, it’s never going to happen. Knowing full well that if you don’t win your fate will be much more dire than losing an election for some boondock mayorality, you know he’s not bowing out. He’ll fight on to all of our detriment. Allow me now to share the thoughts of the committee.

“You all know I am a fan of old movies. Listen for a minute or two.” Beppo smiled and eyeballed his notes.

“Now here’s how it happens. And might I say here that most necessary elements for this endeavor are already in place, patiently awaiting their time.

“The committee has spent many months reviewing any number of plausible scenarios. We do our darnedest to cover at least the bare minimum of possibilities. These particular circumstances were guesstimated very, very high, and this scenario is the culmination of our best efforts.

“All would come to an end soon after our clown emerges victorious at the convention.

“This past Tuesday an outspoken transsexual, whose outward appearance is that of a woman, was brought in by our men and is currently under, let’s say, heavy sedation until that time when it will be needed. That’s Number One.”

“They don’t by any chance happen to know each other, do they, Beppo?” Kitchen again.

“Actually I’m not privy to such detail. Compartmentalization, they say. I’ll bring it up. Back to it then.

“Number Two is ex-Iranian military. Ranger type or at least their equivalent. Sharp. He’ll be fallback in case something goes totally astray but we imagine more beneficial outcomes if our primary, Number One, takes the fall.”

“Will any blues be injured?” Wall was always concerned about her troops.

“Not if everything, or at least most everything, plays out the way we think it should. Only one fatality on site.”

“Will any friends be there?” Kitchen was leading this inquisition.

“Three, I’m telling you, three of our people will be on stage with him. Couldn’t believe it when they told me. Three.”

“Out of how many?”

"Mostly the rest of the family. Some high ranking media echoers. Like I said, three, getting into position should be relatively a bit easier.

“Logistics, transport, local enforcement, already in place.

"Still working on a go signal. Certainly a minor issue. His roundness doesn’t read very well so we can’t use cue words inserted into his victory speech. I’ve tried and failed to imagine how much blather that would be but, as some might say, words fail me.”

“Is he that much of a liability? I always considered him moderately amusing. Does it have to come to this?” Rayon decided to make their presence known.

“Our research, and unanimous consent of committee with their considerable experience, say yes. He has to go in a way most beneficial to our organization. Research sees him as a loser and his name alone costs the down tickets almost everything. With him gone, in our maximalist fashion, we will still lose the big one but the harm to down tickets will not be fatal. It’s do or die time.

"Sometime after the nomination and toward the beginning of his acceptance speech, we don’t want it to be at less than five but no more then ten minutes. If it were up to me I’d be as close to five as practical. Who needs listening to his shit more than necessary?”

“Is Tip Top here tonight or are we going to have to wait until morning to get the picks? “

“Wait until morning. The markets will be just as open for business as they ever are. I’m told none of TipTop’s tips are particularly time sensitive.”

“I’m guessing Number One will encounter some heroic blue and not-survive?”

“Covered in, what do they call it? GSR. Gun Shot Residue. Which will match the weapon used by Number Two.

“Number Two will be found dead, somewhere little known and far away, within the week. Another knotted end.” Beppo grinned.

Continuing: “Two shots. Clean. Head. Chest. Suspect dies in firefight with our courageous blues. Any further questions?"

“And I’m assuming one of our three friends on stage with him will jump in and, cradling Fat’s volleyball of a head in their arms give a speech for the ages.” Oddly, Kitchen actually said this with a wide smile.

“Absolutely. You’re getting it. You’ve seen the movie. This will be a speech the Committee has been working on for nearly a year. Just in case events like those we now have might occur. At the end of the speech with the babbling, drooling, dribbling, dying candidate’s head in the new candidate’s arms, the entire country will be moved to tears and we might as well enthrone our speechifying friend as the new POTUS then and there; bloodstained battered but ready to defend our United States of America! Vote for Me and god bless America!

“And finally. And finally after all of these years. She will, as she cradles our fat, inane martyr to her breast and calls on America to avenge this attack on Christianity and our Homeland, Sarah Palin will, after all of our blood, sweat and tears, become the next President of Our United States!

by Peter Breschard