When should Phil resign as Dog Catcher?

Don't the howls wake you up in the morning? I know they do me. And I'm pretty sure that those packs of rabid dogs growling and prowling around Phil's house probably wake him and his family up as well. Rabid dogs taking control of the streets means the problem has gotten out of hand.

Like I've said before, Phil is a swell guy and if I were in college I'm sure I'd really enjoy taking one of his classes on the history of Dog Catching but right now theory just isn't getting a whole bunch of jobs done.

I have a pretty good idea what you're going to say. The folks who are putting up a candidate to oppose Phil don't want whoever holds the position of Dog Catcher to do anything at all. They say that if it were up to them there wouldn't even be a Dog Catcher. If you don't vote for Phil you're just letting those who want rabid dogs to run totally free win. And nobody in their right minds wants that.


Phil, resign now and let us run somebody else.


Back when I was a teenager there was a big project I wanted to do. So, one morning I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. By the end of the afternoon, you could see I'd done a lot of work. There were parts and tools all over the place. But as I stood there looking out over a good day's work, I realized something. I realized I was way over my head and really had no idea what I was doing. It wasn't that the job was beyond my intellect. It simply was that I had no idea what I was doing. It went against my grain to realize that I should quit the job and let someone with more experience and talent take over, but that's what I did. One of the smartest moves I ever made in my life.

Some people can sing. Some can't. Some folks can play contract bridge or chess like wizards. Others have no interest or talent. Some folks can sail a boat. Others send themselves and their passengers on a one way tour of Davy Jones' Locker.

Phil, take a look around you. The dogs are running wild. You've spent all the money allotted to your department. You must know by now that you couldn't catch a dog if your life depended on it.

Phil, it's time for you to resign.

I know it's an ego thing on your part. You know you should be able to be a Dog Catcher and that people with a lot less mental capacity than you have managed to be reasonably good Dog Catchers.

That's life.

Phil, you really suck at the job. It's time for you to give it up.

This doesn't mean that we all don't like you. It's just that we really should find something else for you to do. Something a bit more suited to your talents.

Thank you.

Why Phil shouldn't be elected Dog Catcher

Phil shouldn't be elected dog catcher.

Some folks should never get anywhere near a carburetor either. Or a fuel pump. Or a radiator. Or a transmission. You pick whatever part of an automobile you want and some folks shouldn't touch it with a ten-foot long socket wrench.

Now, let's get something straight right from the jump. Phil is one hell of a smart fellow. As far as brains packed into cubic centimeters, you're not going to find a brighter bulb if you searched all around for a month.
Phil knows his history. He knows philosophy. He's studied politics. He's even taught law. You're not going to fault the guy on the academic side, that's for sure.

And personable? You bet. He's got a smile and a set of teeth which could send the hearts of an entire convention of orthodontists all atwitter. Phil can make a whole room happy just by walking into it. There's probably not a digit big enough to describe the number of mothers who imagined Phil with their daughters.

Phil is an extremely intelligent, well studied, personable, charming guy.
Which might be part of the reason he shouldn't be elected dog catcher.

Just like people with absolutely no experience as mechanics shouldn't be paid to put a wrench to an engine, Phil really shouldn't be elected to the post of dog catcher.

Maybe it has something to do with getting your hands dirty. Phil just isn't the kind of guy to actually be able to do the job. Why? Good question. Have any of you ever seen Phil with a dog? He certainly has made a lot of speeches, but nobody has ever come forward and claimed that they've actually ever seen Phil within twenty feet of a dog. If you're going to be the dog catcher around here, you've really got to get a lot closer to the animals than Phil ever has been. You can't deliver a lot of feel good speeches and expect a pack of rabid dogs to lock themselves up in a cage without any human intervention.
You have to get your hands dirty. You've got to go running after the dogs and throw a net over them. You've got to bring those curs down. You've got to break into a sweat and face a pack of bared fangs that want to rip your throat apart. You have to get out of the office, lose your cool, and get down and dirty with a pack of wild dogs.

Phil, as we've all seen, is incapable of any of that.
Just like you wouldn't let any fool with no experience work on your car, you shouldn't elect Phil dog catcher.

Some folks say because he was elected dog catcher last election we should elect him this time around.

But the question remains, has anyone ever seen Phil anywhere near a dog?

Don't elect Phil again.

Are you better off with all those rabid dogs running around?

Don't elect Phil dog catcher again.

Thank you.

---

Mere Mindlessness

And so the blather which presents itself as statesmanship continues. The party of the extreme right dithers on about no government while the party of the less extreme right wing weeps about how it will have to take even more money from the poor and hand it over to their immensely wealthy donors.

If Obama or Boehner had a balanced budget and all the discretionary cash in the world, they wouldn't know what to do with it because neither of them have a brain in their heads when it comes to what this country should actually be doing. Both Obama and Boehner are obsessed about counting the pennies in this country's household change jar.

For months what has been dominating the media streams is the debt ceiling. The debt ceiling is a mundane piece of crap, as any twelve year-old lemonade stand owner can tell you. How did raising the debt ceiling, something so routine that it's been done over one hundred times before, become the latest performance piece for drama queens Obama and Boehner?

It plays like this. Boehner, as head of the opposition, has to choose a position opposite that of Obama yet still be within the Republican party play book. Problem: Obama has stolen all the moderate and conservative plays and is running them himself. Boehner is stuck with the extreme conservative play book because that's the only part of the Republican party Obama isn't already representing.

Which is pretty bad for Boehner but great for Obama since all Obama cares about is getting reelected anyway. And it's pretty damn horrible for the country when in the midst of a depression a Democratic president is cutting social programs. 10% unemployment and the Democrats are talking cuts. Remember, it was Obama who signed the extension of the Bush tax giveaways to the wealthiest Americans. Would we be in such dire straits if Obama hadn't signed that extension? And no more friggin whining! The Republicans made me do it! Pitiful. The President of the United States of America has the biggest Bully Pulpit in the world and all we hear from the current Chief Executive is why he can't do anything. Pitiful.

Right now the President should be promoting a two million person job bill and the Republicans should be whining how it should only be a one million person job bill.

Right now the President should be sending to congress an infrastructure bill to top all infrastructure bills and the Republicans should be whining how their districts aren't getting a big enough piece of the pie.

Right now the President should be prosecuting those who ordered the torture of prisoners in the name of the United States and the Republicans should be hiring lawyers and resigning.

Instead Obama and Boehner are playing footsies with each other and counting the future votes.

A pox on both of them.
-----

Ersatz, or not Ersatz?

And now a brief pause.

Bin Laden is dead. No tears were shed. Moving on.

Days after the incumbent president officially announces his hat is now in the ring for reelection, the fugitive is found and killed.

Three wars.

There is time to look back and execute the terrorist but there is no time to look back and prosecute the self-confessed torturer and his cronies.

Mr. Obama is a consummate politician.

The unions no longer back this incumbent with the same mindless tenacity as they once did. Many unionists believe the Democratic Party is now run by what were once called moderate Republicans. They are surprised that the Democrats act as if they are controlled by the same pro-corporate interests as the Republicans. Others are not so surprised.

Out of the West arises a Mormon. Jon Meade Huntsman, Jr. is the scariest Republican to enter the national scene in a very long time. Aside from being a billionaire, extremely well respected in his own state, and a resume which is just this side of tremendous, Mr. Huntsman is something President Obama has always wanted to be, a moderate Republican.

Will the nation back the ersatz moderate Republican, Obama, when a real moderate Republican is on the same ballot?

Will the nation seek to repeat a similar thrill to that of electing the first Irish-Kenyan American to the nation's highest office by electing the first Mormon?

The Republican Party has shown itself to be a mindless herd of rabid sheep when its right wing is allowed free reign. Mr. Obama knows this, which is why for his entire administration he has promoted moderate Republican policies. He has left the present Republicans with no breathing space. In order to mount an opposition, the Republicans have been driven to feed upon themselves as they maneuver to the extreme right. This is brilliant politics; but, as we all know by now, even moderate Republican policy is disasterous for the American people.

Enter Mr. Huntsman.

American voters will usually elect real Republicans when faced with the choice between a moderate Republican and a Democrat who is also brought to you by your local Chamber of Commerce. Obama is no Democrat. He is, however, the person who may be responsible for selling the largest number of private medical insurance policies ever. Not to mention shoveling a dollar or two into the rapacious paws of Wall Street.

Will America vote for the real Republican bastard, Huntsman; or will they stay with the ersatz Republican Obama? Time and a pile of more dead bodies will tell.

Obama as the reincarnation of Bob Dole

Obama supporters are like prisoners who are proud of their large cell.

Self-made Nobodies

Self-made American billionaires.
You have to be kidding.
Self-made men, that’s what America is all about.
Rubbish.
One person, raising themself up by their own bootstraps, and making a fortune single handedly. It’s the American way.
You are kidding, aren’t you?
-

Let’s analyze the myth of self-made wealth in the United States.
Begin at the beginning.
Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Oprah Winfrey, John D. Rockefeller, et al, what do they all have in common?
Aside from some spare simoleons, these allegedly self-made wunderkinds were all lottery winners. They were all lottery winners at birth. They were born in the United States of America whereas they could as easily have been born to Inuit families somewhere north of north. John D.’s fortune might have been severely handicapped if the closest oil he could have put his hands on were Canadian shale oil reserves. And that’s just luck by geography.
Ever use a dollar bill?
Of course you have. So have Gates, Buffett, Winfrey, and Rockefeller.
Consider the dollar bill for a moment or so.
A promissary note backed by the full faith and credit of the United States government.
Dollar bills are contracts. Use these and we promise they’ll be worth something. The U.S. government, Gates, Buffett, Winfrey, and Rockefeller were partners to the same contract whenever a dollar bill changed hands.
Every dollar bill in the bank is a contract with the American people. It’s not individual’s money. All a dollar bill is is a contract backed by the American people.
Self-made billionaires.
Sure, pal. And there’s a bridge in Brooklyn you might want to buy.
It’s a social contract and it’s reaffirmed every time a greenback goes from one paw to another.
Put it this way, the US military is behind every buck in Buffett’s bank. Every greenback he owns is supported by the most socialistic organization in the American government, the Army.
Now what’s all this got to do with anything?
American billionaires haven’t amassed their sizable fortunes by themselves. They’ve worked within the American system of government. They’ve played it well. They’ve won the game. If U.S. law had said all computer codes were classified information, Bill Gates would probably be pushing pills for some pharmaceutical conglomerate or other corporate pirate. If Warren Buffett didn’t know his way around the tax code, he’d probably be just another nice rich guy. They worked the system as they met it. They knew the rules of the house and they played them.
But now the game isn’t working for the vast majority of people playing it. Over the last couple of decades the rules of the game have been changed to screw almost everyone in the United States while at the same time enriching those at the very top of the economic ladder. The rich get to eat bon-bons while the teenage GIs who hold the rifles that protect all the money collect food stamps to feed their own children.
Now those who may have played the game too well cry when anyone suggests changing the rules again. They protest that they made their money all by themselves. They don’t see any reason to give those kids holding the guns enough to feed their families. Have the rich become too stupid to keep a hold on what they consider to be their own money? Don’t they know that if they give a little they won’t lose it all? Haven’t they ever heard the Wall Street expression, pigs get fed but hogs get slaughtered?
The American financial system exists because of the will of the American people. The American people decide the rules of the game. It’s time to change the rules of the game. It’s time to give the wealthiest a haircut and once again spread the wealth.
Too many of the richest among us have become far too stupid.

Spring Offensive 2011

Where We Are Right Now

Step back. Forget day-to-day trivialities. Forget politics. Step back and take a wider view. As a citizen are you proud of where this nation is and where it is heading?

At present the United States has two illegal, full fledged wars going on in Iraq and Afghanistan. Numerous smaller conflicts are occurring as well. We have military bases in dozens of other countries. Was this union created to be an imperial power?

Over the past few decades great strides have been made to eliminate the racist elements of this country’s slave past but at present the income disparity between the wealthiest citizens and the poorest may be as great as it has ever been since the Emancipation Proclamation.

Medical doctors are being executed for practicing their profession.

Corporations have been designated virtual citizens. Whatever that is.

Religious intolerance is now mostly directed at Muslims but Atheists, Jews and Catholics are still within grenade distance.

The President has stated that Americans who torture prisoners are not to be prosecuted, thereby violating the laws of the United States of America and the rest of the world.

Both major political parties are in a race to shift income to the richest members of American society by lowering taxes for the wealthiest while at the same time burdening all other Americans with higher taxes and fees.

Both parties have decided that even though the President has stated that "health care should be a human right", that right should be considered a commodity. When another human right, freedom, is considered a commodity, that condition is called slavery.

Capitalism and the free market are taken as ethical markers even though both have nothing to say regarding the human condition. Neither capitalism nor the free market would demand the feeding of their human chattel if such deprivation meant more black ink.

There have been no prosecutions for the most recent economic collapse even though the crimes are obvious to all.

Teachers are taking to the streets.

Will the unemployable students follow?

Is this the beginning of the Spring Offensive 2011?

Obama looks back for the Mafia, not for the Torturers

Big news today is the rounding up of Mafia members all the way from the balmy shores of New Jersey to the frequently frozen fens of Boston. The Obama Justice Department decided it was about time they should enforce some of the laws of the United States. Attorney General Holder instructed his department that they should look back and notice some actual crimes probably had been committed and the full force of the Department of Justice descended upon a hundred or so Italian-Americans and their associates.

Isn’t it wonderful watching all those bad guys being rounded up and forced to march in the ever so popular perp walks.

Gambling, murder, pension fund plundering, you name it, overweight middle-aged men were suddenly busted for it.

There’s pretty good odds not a single one of them confessed to their criminal activities before the Feds called their press conference.

Not one of them copped to having ordered the torture of prisoners. There may or may not be photographs of hooded prisoners having live electric cords attached to their bodies while numerous fat bellies consumed uncounted cannoli.

Why has Attorney General Holder decided that he should stop looking ahead and stop not looking back when it comes to the Mob but keep looking ahead and never looking back when it comes to the self-confessed crimes of George W. Bush? Why has the Obama administration decided torture is no longer a criminal offense but bookmaking still is?

Perhaps the recently arrested capos should confess to ordering their soldiers to waterboard their victims instead of instructing them to break the usual kneecaps.

According to Obama administration precedent, confessing to ordering torture grants the penitent unconditional immunity for themselves and their underlings.

So, let’s get this figured out. If you make book in New England, you go to jail. If you dip your fingers into a pension account, you go to jail. But if you order the torture of powerless prisoners under your control, you get to brag about your nefarious deeds in a best selling book and have the President of the United States of America dismiss your crimes against humanity as something less worth investigating than running a whore house in Manhattan.

Illegal gambling - worth prosecuting.

Ordering the torture of prisoners by waterboarding - not worth prosecuting.

President Obama and his underlings have demonstrated the complete contempt they have for the law.

Gumby has shown more backbone than either Obama or Holder.

(Is it surprising that there doesn’t appear to be any Mafia activity in Chicago?)

While You Were Sleeping

It’s been two years, are you awake enough now to open your eyes?  Or are you still having your sweet dream about a handsome, wise, young man arising from the Midwest who at long last will fulfill a liberal Democratic vision of government?  And bring peace and universal health care to the United States?

There are still prisoners being held at Guantanamo. They are being kept there on the intelligence of the same people who brought us to war in Iraq. We know what was promised would be found in Iraq.
Afghanistan remains a war zone.  This has been the Democrats’ war for some time now. Congratulations.  If you voted for, and still support, Obama, you now own the wars.  Go immediately to the bathroom and try to wash some off your hands.
Iraq remains under United States occupation.  You keep forgetting about that, don’t you?
Charter schools continue to foster segregation.  Remember segregation?  Where the folks with the money had schools for their kids and those without the money could rot in hell?
Still drilling in the Gulf?  You betcha, Barack.
Obama, Democrats and Republican cronies continue to increase military spending.  But the budget has to be cut somewhere.  How many thieving Democrats will it take to get all the money into the hands of the top two percent of the population?  Once again, congratulations to the present administration for passing the cornerstone of the Bush agenda, tax breaks for the wealthiest Americans.  It takes a tough Democrat to do exactly what the Republicans want him to do.
Nice work on defunding the Social Security Administration by lowering the percentage of withholding.  How eminently Republican.
Cuba provided more aid to Haiti than the United States.  And that obscenity continues.
Even after mandating that even more fatally flawed private insurance policies be purchased, the United States will continue to have the most piss poor health system of any industrialized country.  With the alleged percentage cap on insurance company profits, one of the best ways for those companies to increase their profit will be to increase the cost of medical expenses across the board.  Instead of lowering costs, the Obama for profit system will lead to ever expanding medical expenses since that’s the way for insurance companies to make the real money.  All you Democrats say DUH!
Admitted torturers continue to run free across the United States because the current President refuses to obey the law and prosecute those who ordered or performed torture.  That makes two Presidents in a row who are self-admitted criminals.
How we doing so far?
How does it feel to be in the third term of the Bush presidency?
It’s time for you to wake up.
Obama has been a colossal failure if you consider yourself to be a liberal Democrat.  Obama has been an incredible president if you are inane enough to vote for Republicans.
Keep supporting Obama.  Keep supporting wealth disparity, perpetual war, torture, and a failed for profit health care system which will lead to thousands of needless American deaths.
Or better yet, go back to sleep and wake up in eighteen months and start waving your Obama for President flags again.
People shouldn’t call others morons.

CIRCUS RIDER now at Amazon.com

CIRCUS RIDER at Amazon.com

IN THE WIND

IN THE WIND now for Kindle.



(a paperback edition may be purchased at http://www.circusrider.org/)



http://www.amazon.com/dp/B004FN2B00
-

excerpt from CIRCUS RIDER - Introduction

from CIRCUS RIDER, a novel history by Peter Breschard copyright 2010

INTRODUCTORY NOTE

When the original manuscript of CIRCUS RIDER arrived at our workplace, my staff and I were decidedly cautious. In the course of an ordinary week, we encounter numerous historical novels based upon an author’s ancestors and the allegedly amazing, wonderfully wicked, emotionally engaging events which may or may not have occurred. Under usual circumstances, these failures at both history and fiction are rapidly rejected by our editorial process.

So, I am sure you are asking, what is the difference between this volume and the thousands of others which attempt to illuminate long forgotten historical events? I shall explain.

Of the prodigious number of painters the United States has produced since its inception more than two centuries ago, Gilbert Stuart rises head and shoulders above them all. Not only is Stuart acclaimed for his artistic talents, but many of those he chose as his subjects have escaped time’s voracious grasp and managed not to disappear from memory. Their faces are now icons of our nation’s history. Portraits of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and John Adams are among the many images Gilbert Stuart created which will linger forever in the American consciousness.

What do Gilbert Stuart and the rest of early American history have to do with the following pages? In 1808, while plying his trade in Boston, Massachusetts, Stuart was approached to immortalize one half of the most famous duo of entertainers ever to perform in these newly minted, and united, States.

Jean Breschard and his partner, Victor Pépin, were highly acclaimed equestrian performers from the world renowned Paris circus of Monsieur Franconi. As had become circus tradition, Breschard and Pépin, having achieved sufficient recognition and experience under M. Franconi, launched their own troop. After two extraordinarily well received seasons in Spain’s capital, Madrid, the Circus of Pépin and Breschard sailed to North America where entertainers of their stature and professionalism never had previously performed.

Stuart’s likeness of Breschard remains incomplete, much like his most famous portrait of George Washington (reference any one dollar bill). When this Boston portrait painter presumed there would be some future demand for original oil copies (which he created himself) of any particular painting, he would leave the background unfinished as a detailed setting was unnecessary to facilitate reproductions. One can only suppose that this great American master foresaw an audience for copies of the Breschard portrait which might well have rivaled that for his most popular work, the portrait of the father of these United States, George Washington.

Fortunately, the story of George Washington has not been lost or intentionally mislaid, which is more than can be said for the history of Jean Breschard. What follows in these pages is the story of a great American portrait by America’s greatest artist. It is a tale of art, war, pirates, politicians, the new frontier; and all the other ingredients necessary for the stew which was this novel democracy. As well as, of course, the circus.

With considerable trepidation, the editorial board and I have left the ordering of chapters as they were when we originally received the manuscript. The author of this work, not the most loquacious of correspondents, has informed us this arrangement represents the progression in which this history was rediscovered and recreated. Although certain readers might experience a minor dose of literary vertigo as they attempt to follow the non-traditional time line, we hope the clientele of this carnival ride will suffer no severe injuries. Fortunately, with fiction, certain liberties may be taken regarding the ebb and flow of chronicled events. Unfortunately, with history; with reputable history; events are best related as they actually occurred. CIRCUS RIDER being a novel history, we elected to follow the less chosen path.

Gilbert Stuart’s portraits immortalize many of America’s most notable players. This is the story of one of them, and of how he was lost, and now he is found.

Walter L. White
New York, NY
2010

from CIRCUS RIDER by Peter Breschard copyright 2010

now available at www.circusrider.org

Perpetual War - Thanks Democrats and Republicans

Do you even think about the wars? After ten years of occupation of one Muslim country or another, do you ever stop to think about just how wrong these military actions are?

With all the whining from both parties about nickels and dimes and new economic theories coming out of liberal or conservative think tanks on a daily basis, does anyone ever talk about how much those predator drones cost as they crash into another home wiping out the families of somebody someone somewhere thinks may be a terrorist?


How much does it cost every time the current president decides to put out a death contract on another United States citizen without benefit of the judicial process?

But you read and listen to the idiots who hour after hour, day after day, week after week, repeat the same theme, endlessly, that the economy is the most important problem of the day.

Sure it’s the economy.

After all, your tax dollar probably went to pay for that piece of shrapnel which ripped through the brainpan of another child, as unmindful weaponry wiped out the family of another presumed terrorist.

As recently as two days ago these military minded morons didn’t even know who they were negotiating with at the highest level. Yet you stupidly buy their declarations that they know exactly who they are assassinating. And if you dismember innocent children, well, that’s that. Bloody, mutilated, innocents. After all, the economy is the most important topic of the day.

You think that if you don’t allow the professional gunmen to destroy whatever they wish to destroy, dark foreigners will again attack the homeland. Why don’t you simply admit you’ve become a Nazi? Take a look at yourself. You’ve allowed the executive branch of this government to wage war, imprison whoever they want, and assassinate Americans at will, without any judicial or legislative review. You’ve surrendered your rights to your fuhrer out of fear. The leader can kill whoever he thinks is necessary to kill in order to protect the homeland.

And there you have it. The news is composed of the ravings of a photogenic ranter from Alaska, the domestic dramas of foreign royals, and idiots espousing capitalism as if it were part of the constitution, and that’s the way you like it.

Ten years. How many deaths are you responsible for? You’ve been financing this carnage but you feel clean because you are not given the opportunity to witness this bloodbath hourly on the tube.

And now the Democrats say troops will occupy Afghanistan at least until 2014.

Obama had a secret plan to end the war. By now you should recognize it as the same plan Richard Nixon had, keep killing until someone stops you.

Have you had enough of the bloodbath? Have you sucked enough life juice from the necks of Afghanis and Iraqis? Have you returned to sanity following your 9-11 breakdown?

You are killing innocents. You are mindlessly supporting those who protect torturers while bombing children.

It’s all on you now.

It’s all on us.

It is time to stop the madness.

We are destroying this country while at the same time mindlessly killing thousands half a world away.

It is time we try something else.

It’s simple.

Stop relinquishing our rights to the military.

Give peace a chance.

Something a little different

http://nell-miniminis.blogspot.com/

Every now and then it's nice to publicize the magnificent work of my bride, Nell Corkin.
Small packages, very small packages.

INQUISITION? YOU'RE WELCOME.

When did the heat really come down? Some say it was the Inquisition. Nasty Roman Catholic priests persecuting heretics, Jews, Muslims, and whoever else they felt like putting to the rack. Most folks, when they think of it, believe the Inquisition was born in Spain. How wrong they are.


First they came for the Cathars.

Remember the Crusades? Bunch of Europeans attacking the Middle East? Right? Mostly.

Remember the Albigensian Crusade?

Huh?

You can call the Albigensian Crusade the fifth Crusade if you want. Or number four.

Cathars were a bunch of folks in southern France, northern Italy and northern Spain. If you’ve ever heard of Occitania (southern France, northern Italy and Spain), you get the idea. The Pope in Rome and the very weak King of France (northern district) decided they wanted to expand. They eyeballed some nice real estate along the Mediterranean coast. Possibly the most civilized part of Europe at the time.

Southern France. Cathars had it going. Trading with Africa and Spain and wherever their boats could sail. Language of their own, culture of their own, religion of their own, had their own culture going on. Cathars also traded with the Muslims a bunch.

Nobody knows much about the Cathars other than where they were. What records remain indicate the Pope and company charged the Cathars with being Christian heretics. Probably the usual went down, troops swooped in from the north and the south and what was a viable culture disappeared. Northern France and the Pope’s chunk of Italy ran this Crusade against their neighbors for twenty years.

Cathars were described as being as bad as Muslims are described today. And these were their fellow Europeans. Hell, the Pope and the King used the same play book they published for looting the Holy Land. Get the heretics out of there. Find out who isn’t a true believer and put them to sleep. But how do you find out who isn’t a true believer when they look like us? So, these Crusaders invented the Inquisition.

Yep. Spain has been getting a bad rap for centuries. The Inquisition was invented in France. During a Crusade against folks now considered Frenchmen. Let France take the heat for the big I. France knows how to take heat like that. The Inquisition was created to ferret out French heretics, or whatever the Cathars actually were. Most all the Cathars were supposedly wiped out, and guess what? Nobody remembers the slaughter of the Cathars, because nobody remembers or knows exactly who the Cathars were. Put it this way, the Inquisition worked on the Cathars. In a way.

Why bring this all up now?

Crusades were easy to think through. Go to the Holy Land and wipe out those pesky Muslims. Muslims, you know they’ll start with the Holy Land and then take over everything. What century are we talking about here? Right. The first three or four Crusades. Guess the Muslims gave the Christians too hard a time so the Pope and his pals turned their attention to easier prey.

I can hear them now. Some wise ass surviving Cathar. First they came for the Muslims. Then they came for me. Weren’t they supposed to keep massacring the Muslims? Hey, we may be heretics but even the Pope says we’re Christian heretics. Not us. See, we’ve even got Jesus tattoos. This isn’t right. You’re only supposed to be slaughtering Muslims. Hey, we live on the bloody Riviera!

Too bad. The Dominican Order was given the cool job of following the conquering troops into southern France and finding out who all the nasty heretical Cathars were. They asked a lot of questions and the Inquisition was born. The Dominicans did such a great job moving the Cathars completely underground they went looking for other folks who didn’t please the Pope. Shalom. Thanks to historians like Mel Brooks and Monty Python, we all have an idea of how the Inquisition progressed after that.

So why the history lesson?

Not the reason you might think.

When the Cathars went underground some think they morphed into other things. The Huguenots. The Quakers. The Shakers. All sorts of interesting little groups, many of whom don’t think war is the answer. Hey, that might have been one of the reasons they disappeared when the Crusaders and the Inquisition were wiping everyone out.

Names may have been changed to protect the innocents.
-

PROTESTANT TERRORISTS TO ERECT CHURCH ACROSS FROM STILL SMOLDERING WHITE HOUSE

August 24, 1815

Hundreds of enraged United States patriots gathered today, across the street from our still smoldering White House, to protest the construction of a proposed Protestant church directly opposite the Presidential Palace, where workmen still labor to rebuild the burned out wreckage.

“It’s like shoving a stick in our eye,” said Charles O’Madigan, an artisan who lives in the District of Columbia, “exactly one year ago, Protestant troops put the torch to most of our city, and burnt the very home of beloved President and his most illustrious wife. These Protestants building their shrine directly across the avenue from that great house is an insult of the first order.”

Such was the majority opinion of those gathered to protest the construction of St. John’s Church, at a site they considered far too close to the not yet rebuilt White House. “Those Protestant Red Coats tried to burn our fair city to the ground,” opined Jean Beauville, a government employee, “and now their co-religionists are rubbing salt into our wounds. It’s just not right. It’s just not right I tell you.”

The protestors were all but unanimous in the opinion that those erecting the house of worship had a right to do so, however, there was also agreement that building a Protestant shrine this close to where the White House has yet to be rebuilt was insulting at best.

“Those Protestants are showing poor judgement in the extreme,” was the last word on the subject, voiced by Abraham Stuart of Maryland, “they want a memorial to their terrorist attack on our White House. It’s just not right.”

****

In a related matter, it has been disclosed that Benjamin Latrobe, the architect for the new church, is not a Frenchman as has been popularly assumed. Mr. Latrobe is from Britain. It is believed Mr. Latrobe is also a Protestant.
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CHICKEN BY THE BRICK

Read to the end before you begin. Step-by-step directions are overrated.

If you’ve gotten this far in the book, you’re feeling confident by now. You should have some new skills. You are ready for a challenge. Now is the time to get down, dirty, and bloody. It’s barbecue (grilling) time. (Not to be confused with real barbecue but that’s a whole other item.)

Hey, remember that Brick you wrapped in aluminum foil and used to make one hell of a grilled cheese sandwich?

Well, find it. You might still be using it as a handsome door stop or as a Stanley Kubrick action figure, but now’s the time to put it to its primary function. Cooking. And in this particular case, outdoor grilling (barbeque?).

Go forth and multiply. You’re going to need two bricks for this particular job. So, find another brick. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

Mission accomplished. Two bricks at hand. One should already be wrapped in aluminum foil. So wrap the other one so they’re twins. Stand back and admire your work.

If you’re inside, pick up the silver bricks and take them outside to where you should have an outdoor grill ready and waiting. (If you don’t have an outdoor grill, you really didn’t need to wrap that extra brick, just peruse the rest of this for the sheer enjoyment.)

Now what I’ve got is one of those medium size Weber kettle grills. Black. I can almost put my arms around it when it’s cool enough. You know what I’m talking about. Making sure you don’t inflict massive burns upon yourself should be your primary objective in any cooking exercise. If you don’t have similar equipment, modify as you will. I can’t think of everything.

Make sure there aren’t any dead varmints or rotting plants inside your grill. Fully open the vents. You want that air to flow and your fire to roar. Now take hold of your briquette chimney. Cram the top full of as many briquettes as you can. Take a crumbled sheet of newspaper (or other fiery paper item if you’ve given up on reading dead tree products), and stuff that into the bottom of your chimney. Don’t jam it up too much, leave some room for it to breathe in fire before it transforms into ash.

Take out your handy box or book of matches (no lighters, show a little class), and ignite the newspaper. Stand back and admire your work for a minute or two.

Beer me.

Kill a couple of minutes.

After about five minutes check your chimney and make sure the coals are smoking. Wave your hand a dozen inches above the coals. You should be able to feel the heat. The briquettes should be ready for grilling in about 30 minutes. Most of the briquettes will have turned ashy white.

In the meantime go back inside.

Now for the fun part. You should have had the chicken sitting on your counter for a bit. Taking the chill off.

Unwrap the chicken.

See if they’ve included gizzards and the like in the cavity of the bird. If they have, take them out and chuck them. A better cook than you or I would know what to do with this stuff, but you’ll have to communicate with them if you want to find out.

Toss the bird on a cutting board near the sink.

Find the bird’s backbone.

From here on in it’s going to get sloppy and messy. What could be more fun?

What you want to do here is separate the bird’s spine from the rest of the carcass. You can do this with a sharp knife, boning is good, but it might have been a good idea to previously have invested in a pair of poultry shears. (Pair? Collective nounism at its finest.)

Get that spine out of there. (Now it will truly be chicken.)

Flatten the bird with skin side down. You should be looking at the breast bones.

Get rid of them. Shears, knives, fingers. Greasy. Sloppy. Innards. Cool.

Once you’ve detached that breast bone (Very little description here, you have to have the experience yourself.), spread that bird out on the board. It’s called butterflying. You’re turning what was a three dimensional object into something that more closely resembles a two dimensional object. Give or take an inch, verging on the infinite.

Might not be a bad time to rinse the bird, then use some paper towels to pat it dry.

Use a brush or another paper towel to spread some vegetable oil all over both sides of the 2D poultry.

Now if you’ve been paying attention and pre-read these instructions, you should have already combined the salt, pepper, cumin, garlic powder and cayenne pepper.

Rub this tasty combo into both sides the bird. There should be a healthy amount left over.

Wash your hands.

Check the time. If its around half an hour since you started the coals go out and take a look. If not kill some time. Beer me.

When the briquettes are right, spread them out on the bottom of the grill. I usually dump them into one half, the hot side, and leave the other side alone. Up to you. Make sure the cooking surface is in place.

Almost forgot, I like to use is a black flat metal sheet with punched holes in it which is used for grilling fish and the like. You need a flat piece of metal, preferably with holes. You figure it out. Your choice. Have it near the grill.

Grab the chicken and head out to the grill.

Toss the bird onto the hot side. Skin side down. Cover the bird with the aerated sheet of metal. Put your two bricks on top of the sheet. Put the cover on top of the grill.

Set your timer for thirteen minutes.

Beer me.

After 13 put on your gloves. Open the grill. Grab a brick. Toss the very hot brick between your hands until you find a safe place to put it. Concrete and fireproof is usually smart. Do the same with the other brick. Grab the metal sheet and put it on top of the bricks.

Use your tongs to flip the chicken.

Replace the metal sheet and bricks then put the cover on the grill. Set the time for 14 minutes.

Beer me.

After 14 close the vents on your grill. Vacate everything and take the now great tasting bird to wherever you intend to dine.

Cover the bird loosely with aluminum foil and let it sit for eight minutes.

After you and whoever have consumed this bird, you will be proclaimed king by acclamation.

Beer me.



what you’re going to need
one whole chicken (you usually get what you pay for)
poultry shears (say what?)
outdoor grill
briquettes
briquette chimney
matches
newspaper
cutting board
sharp knives
running water
paper towels
aluminum foil
measuring spoons
1 ½ tablespoon large grain sea salt
2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
1 teaspoon whole cumin, toasted and ground
2 teaspoons garlic powder
3/4 teaspoon cayenne
cooking oil
flat piece of metal preferably with holes and big enough to cover a chicken
2 bricks wrapped in aluminum foil
heavy leather work gloves (heat resistant)
tongs
plates, knives, forks, napkins
timer
beer
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THE FIRST AMERICAN CIRCUS

CIRCUS RIDER

a novel history of the first American circus

and a great American portrait

 now available in the United States

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THE FIRST AMERICAN CIRCUS

John Bill Ricketts introduced the modern circus to the United States in 1793. His first North American shows were in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, where, among others, he entertained George Washington. Everyone’s best guess is that Ricketts was either an Englishman or a Scot. There is some debate regarding his nation of origin. John Bill Ricketts never settled in America and was last reported sailing away to either Europe or the Caribbean in 1799.

In 1807, embarking from Madrid, Victor Pepin and Jean Baptiste Breschard brought their circus to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (sometimes recognized as being part of the United States). Breschard was a Frenchman and Pepin was born in the Empire State, New York.

Ricketts’ Circus and The Circus of Pepin and Breschard were the first two major circus companies to play in North America, specifically in what had recently become the United States of America.

This November PBS will dedicate six hours of national broadcasting to their documentary, CIRCUS. Undoubtedly, some questions regarding the origins of the circus in the United States will be raised.

(Disclaimer: similarities in name between this article’s author and any mentioned subject are duly noted.)

Over the years, John Bill Ricketts has been described by many writers, many times, as operating and headlining the first American circus.

“The first American circus?” What do they mean by that?

Is there an “American” style circus which was created by Ricketts?

No, they’re not talking about an American style of circus. The modern circus, of which John Bill’s company was a fine example, is as European as it gets.

Was John Bill an American who ran a circus?

Nope. (See above.)

What circus historians (say what?) have been trying to say for years isn’t that John Bill Ricketts ran the first American circus. What they’ve been trying to say is that JBR operated the first circus in America (specifically within the U.S.A.).

When Enrico Caruso performed in the United States, he didn’t become an American tenor. Ricketts’ Circus remained a British circus performing in America just like Enrico remained an Italian tenor even though he might have been belting it out within the continental U.S. at the time..

Now who exactly is responsible for the first American circus? (Have I already tipped my hand?)

Since it has been established that there is no particular American style of circus (rodeo?), the first circus operated by (owned and starring) an American (U.S.A.) would probably be “the first American circus”.

Hello, Victor Pepin.

What’s led to a bit of confusion among circus historians is that the Circus of Pepin and Breschard is documented as having played in Madrid, Spain, immediately before its arrival in the Bay State. Circus historians have referred to P & B’s troupe as being a French circus, a Spanish circus, and a European company. My guess is that it has been perhaps too hard for all-American writers to realize that a guy with a French surname (Pepin) could have been a creator of the first American circus.

The Circus of Pepin and Breschard - The First American Circus

Anybody want some Freedom Fries?
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