BREAD/CHEESE/BRICK

Let’s all ruminate upon the simple brick.

Clay and water. Fired.

Pavers of our streets. Mainstays of our walls. Enablers of our shithouses.

Fashion statement for student bookshelves.

Rioter’s friend.

What gets laid more?

But like everything that active, bricks need protection.

First, put your hands on a brick. Regular size (8" x 4" x 2 1/4", if you want stats) , nothing fancy. Red, if available.

Second; wrap-up said building supply in aluminum foil. (Why do we need the brick to be red? Ask a fireman wearing colorful suspenders.)

Easily at hand should be; frying pan (any), butter (real), bread (good), yellow cheese (sliced), yellow mustard (or mustardy mustard, Colonel ).

Now you’re getting the idea.

Fire up that spacious flat thing in your kitchen called the cooktop (burners). It’s usually right above your stove and powered by electricity or some sort of gas. (See chapter, Survival on Big Blue, if you’re having any trouble up to this point.)

Place frying pan on heat source, medium high heat.

Butter. If the butter is warm, like room temperature, spread this cow product on one side of two pieces of bread. Or to be more specific, spread butter on one side of each slice of bread. If butter is colder, cut off around 1/2 inch from stick (assumed) and toss into warming frying pan. Now how hard was that?

Spread some mustard on the unbuttered sides of bread, or on either side if bread previously unbuttered.

Next, grab a couple of slices of cheese and carefully place between two mustardy sides of bread. Remember: you want both the mustard and the cheese to be situated between the two slices of bread and the unbuttered/unmustarded or buttered/unmustarded sides to be on the outside.

By now the frying pan should be nice and hot and the butter in the pan, if butter is in the pan, should be making a little noise. Spread the butter around a bit with the bread/cheese/mustard concoction you’ve just made.

Place the bread/cheese/mustard in the frying pan.

Pick up your aluminum foil wrapped brick and gently place it on top of the bread in the pan. Press down a little. Not too much.

Wait a minute or two, depending upon the heat of the pan, until you start to smell burning bread.

Take off the brick, set on a different burner on your cooktop, and using a spatula or knife, lift up your sandwich and see if it toasted to a color which suits your appetite. (You won’t get this right for a bit, but you’ll eventually figure it all out.)

If it looks right to you, it is right.

Flip it over in the pan.

Put brick back on.

Wait a minute or two. Remove brick. Cheese should have melted some by this time.

Turn off burner.

Remove sandwich from pan.

Let cool a bit.

Eat.

You are now king in the land of the blind.


Additional uses for aluminum enshrouded brick when not being used as a gourmet aid; doorstop, hatholder, Stanley Kubrick tribute, paperweight, mail minder, action figure pedestal.
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