WHERE’S LAURENCE HARVEY NOW THAT WE NEED HIM?

Take today as an example. Did the nine-to-five without breaking a sweat or breaking into song, so that’s a victory. Had a fine dinner and later as I was sprawled out on the couch an odd assortment of concepts congealed into something somewhat frightening.

They really don’t need him anymore.

“There’s no way he’s going to be this organization’s Presidential candidate.” Beppo had control of the room. “As a matter of fact, there are many of us who consider him an extreme liability. More than anything else, Americans hate horse thieves. And they really, really will fire the wrath of God on a, lying, horse thief. And a whole bunch of our people are seeing him that way now.

“Let’s face it, he’s had his run. It’s time to turn this fucking limping, screeching, obnoxious liability into the best kind of asset we can.”

“How’s about he sicks it out? Comes down with malaria or something?” Kitchen appeared lost in thought.

“Definitely considered. Definitely. His royal fatness, I am sure, hosts numerous ailments which might do him in at any moment but, although illness would very well turn this situation into an asset, we think we might have a way to eke out even more mileage from the old boy.”

“Inheritance baby resigns and anoints another?” Glastonbury intoned the obvious.

“You know Fats isn’t gonna go for that.” Ripper snorted while straightening his tie.

“We have discussed this. As was mentioned, it’s never going to happen. Knowing full well that if you don’t win your fate will be much more dire than losing an election for some boondock mayorality, you know he’s not bowing out. He’ll fight on to all of our detriment. Allow me now to share the thoughts of the committee.

“You all know I am a fan of old movies. Listen for a minute or two.” Beppo smiled and eyeballed his notes.

“Now here’s how it happens. And might I say here that most necessary elements for this endeavor are already in place, patiently awaiting their time.

“The committee has spent many months reviewing any number of plausible scenarios. We do our darnedest to cover at least the bare minimum of possibilities. These particular circumstances were guesstimated very, very high, and this scenario is the culmination of our best efforts.

“All would come to an end soon after our clown emerges victorious at the convention.

“This past Tuesday an outspoken transsexual, whose outward appearance is that of a woman, was brought in by our men and is currently under, let’s say, heavy sedation until that time when it will be needed. That’s Number One.”

“They don’t by any chance happen to know each other, do they, Beppo?” Kitchen again.

“Actually I’m not privy to such detail. Compartmentalization, they say. I’ll bring it up. Back to it then.

“Number Two is ex-Iranian military. Ranger type or at least their equivalent. Sharp. He’ll be fallback in case something goes totally astray but we imagine more beneficial outcomes if our primary, Number One, takes the fall.”

“Will any blues be injured?” Wall was always concerned about her troops.

“Not if everything, or at least most everything, plays out the way we think it should. Only one fatality on site.”

“Will any friends be there?” Kitchen was leading this inquisition.

“Three, I’m telling you, three of our people will be on stage with him. Couldn’t believe it when they told me. Three.”

“Out of how many?”

"Mostly the rest of the family. Some high ranking media echoers. Like I said, three, getting into position should be relatively a bit easier.

“Logistics, transport, local enforcement, already in place.

"Still working on a go signal. Certainly a minor issue. His roundness doesn’t read very well so we can’t use cue words inserted into his victory speech. I’ve tried and failed to imagine how much blather that would be but, as some might say, words fail me.”

“Is he that much of a liability? I always considered him moderately amusing. Does it have to come to this?” Rayon decided to make their presence known.

“Our research, and unanimous consent of committee with their considerable experience, say yes. He has to go in a way most beneficial to our organization. Research sees him as a loser and his name alone costs the down tickets almost everything. With him gone, in our maximalist fashion, we will still lose the big one but the harm to down tickets will not be fatal. It’s do or die time.

"Sometime after the nomination and toward the beginning of his acceptance speech, we don’t want it to be at less than five but no more then ten minutes. If it were up to me I’d be as close to five as practical. Who needs listening to his shit more than necessary?”

“Is Tip Top here tonight or are we going to have to wait until morning to get the picks? “

“Wait until morning. The markets will be just as open for business as they ever are. I’m told none of TipTop’s tips are particularly time sensitive.”

“I’m guessing Number One will encounter some heroic blue and not-survive?”

“Covered in, what do they call it? GSR. Gun Shot Residue. Which will match the weapon used by Number Two.

“Number Two will be found dead, somewhere little known and far away, within the week. Another knotted end.” Beppo grinned.

Continuing: “Two shots. Clean. Head. Chest. Suspect dies in firefight with our courageous blues. Any further questions?"

“And I’m assuming one of our three friends on stage with him will jump in and, cradling Fat’s volleyball of a head in their arms give a speech for the ages.” Oddly, Kitchen actually said this with a wide smile.

“Absolutely. You’re getting it. You’ve seen the movie. This will be a speech the Committee has been working on for nearly a year. Just in case events like those we now have might occur. At the end of the speech with the babbling, drooling, dribbling, dying candidate’s head in the new candidate’s arms, the entire country will be moved to tears and we might as well enthrone our speechifying friend as the new POTUS then and there; bloodstained battered but ready to defend our United States of America! Vote for Me and god bless America!

“And finally. And finally after all of these years. She will, as she cradles our fat, inane martyr to her breast and calls on America to avenge this attack on Christianity and our Homeland, Sarah Palin will, after all of our blood, sweat and tears, become the next President of Our United States!

by Peter Breschard

Tax Their Sinful Ways

We in the United States need a definition of greed. We need to settle on a figure. Just how much is too much? When does accumulating some become hoarding too much? When does a fat cat become an obese cat? 

Who doesn’t like taxing cigarettes and alcohol? They’re easy targets. Everybody knows too much of either is bad for you. Our government takes a serious piece of the action to discourage gluttonous consumption of both smokes and booze and to help defer the health costs their use incurs. It’s generally accepted governments should discourage destructive, sinful behavior either by taxes, fees, or the criminal justice system. We’ve been doing this for generations. But as of late we seem to have turned a blind eye to an ongoing evil. How did greed, one of the seven deadly sins, manage to avoid paying for the damage it has done to society?

Even an occasional smoker or the most moderate of drinkers is forced to pay sin taxes. Even if you limit yourself to a cigarette a month or a martini at Christmas, you pay the same rate as chain smokers and potential DUIs. But the greediest, most avaricious, “I’d rather spit in your face than give you a nickel” billionaire usually pays less proportional taxes than the most frugal citizen on the low end of the income spectrum. With the present tax rates in place, it appears this government actually encourages greed. 

Greed is not good. Greed will forever remain a deadly sin, one of the top seven. When a billionaire boasts about his accumulated wealth, it’s like a glutton rhapsodizing on how he’s eaten non-stop for the past forty years, while addressing an audience that hasn’t had a solid meal in weeks. Somehow the United States, this allegedly Christian nation, has forgotten that obscene accumulation of wealth is remains an abomination unto their Lord. Fortune and Barrons and The Wall Street Journal might as well be kiddie porn in the way they egg on their rapacious readers. The message of this culture promotes ripping off as much as you can from your fellow man. 

Greed needs to be defined. A dollar limit needs be set. If you earn more than this country’s President for an extended period of time, and you keep accumulating more and more, you might be a greedy redneck. If you never worked a day in your life, and you clip coupons purchased by your grandfather while sipping champagne in a Park Avenue penthouse, you probably are an avaricious prepster. If you work for a Fortune 500 company and earn more than 20 times the income of its lowest paid employee, you almost certainly are a greedy sinful scumbag.

Getting back to the sin tax part. How does a society discourage its citizens from engaging in avaricious behavior? When does reasonable accumulation become greed, a deadly sin? It was only a few decades ago that this country decided taxing greed wasn’t necessary. All that “trickle down Economics” rubbish gave rise to a tax rate which presently allows the obscenely rich among us to accumulate unbridled wealth. Following this trend, those citizens not in the top half of one percent of income will soon be left with next to nothing. 

Where do you draw the line? How’s this for a modest proposal, every dollar taken in over one million dollars a year (averaged) should be taxed at a 90% rate. Certainly the vast majority of citizens will agree that if a person believes they need more than a million a year to survive, they’re being a bit greedy. And as we all know, sin taxes are meant to discourage evil behavior.

Greed is hard to recognize at times. Like pornography it might forever remain a judgement call. Greed falls under the “I don’t know exactly but ‘I know it when I see it’ rule”. But pretty much everyone can see grasping for more than a million bucks a year is pretty damn greedy.

It’s long past time to seriously tax the greediest among us. It’s time to help curtail their evil habit. Greed will forever remain a sin. In so many ways. 

-----------

Are You Now, or Have You Ever Been...

Can such a simple and small action as raising taxes on the extremely wealthy be revolutionary? It seems that these days it can be.

Before chucking it all and moving somewhere off the grid where the oligarchs will never find us, there is one question which should be asked of every American politician seeking office this election cycle.

“Are you in favor of increasing taxes on millionaires? Yes or no.”

For decades corporate shills have terrorized American politicians by, among other things, forcing them to sign pledges not to raise taxes.

Everyone hates paying taxes. What else is new? By framing their anti-tax position in such a way as to appear populist, “big government wants to take all the little guy’s money”,  the oligarchs have picked the country’s pockets and weakened all governmental structures. Say what you will about this representative system, it’s a hell of a lot better than rule by corporations abetted by those protecting inherited wealth.

During a period when extremism is rampant, it’s time for a little fine tuning.

“Are you in favor of increasing taxes on millionaires? Yes or No.”

A simple question. For those who reply in the affirmative, fine and dandy, (Yes, all politicians lie at times, but that’s not the point.) For those who say no, or who dance and dodge and trot out the usual bullshit, the line has been drawn. Even the most libertarian, brain dead ideologue knows by now that wealth disparity in this country has reached a critical stage. Not being in favor of taxing millionaires will put that politician on the wrong side of the argument when the votes are cast. Contrary to what corporate media wishes everyone to think, Americans truly do despise everyone who attempts to hog all the money.

Of equal, or possibly more value, this question will shift the topic of conversation from where to cut government, to how tax revenue will be raised to improve this country. Schools, roads, bridges, alternative energy, disaster relief, food; all these essentials cost money to build, maintain, and distribute. It is time for corporations and oligarchs to pay more than their fair share.

To paraphrase words attributed to Willie Sutton, “That’s where the money is.”

“Are you in favor of increasing taxes on millionaires? Yes or No.”

A simple question but it will smoke out those who are on the take in the shortest time possible. If anyone thinks this is playing on class divisions, you can tell them damn straight it is. Now is the time for Americans to take back their country and the money that goes along with it.


Remember: billionaires are millionaires a thousand times over.

Small things must be done in order to survive and fight another day.

When a room is in total darkness, it’s radical to turn on any light.

---------------------

Guns, Police, and Gift Bags

At the Hill Street precinct house, another shift begins.

“Settle, people, settle.” Behind his podium, a balding sergeant conducting this morning’s roll call brings the twenty-five police officers to order. “Just a couple of things to run through before you get out into today’s bright sunshine and fresh air. First off: we’re all working this weekend. Demonstrations downtown are expected. Everybody works. No exceptions.”

The sergeant waits for the grumbling to subside before continuing. “Think of it this way, you may be on the street all weekend but it’s another couple of boat payments you won’t have to worry about. Second: Officer Buntz is recovering from a bowel resection so when the cap goes around, donate generously. We’re going to get the family something nice. They’ll be suffering enough with Buntz moping around the house all the time for the next couple of weeks.

“Finally, we have a visitor. A visitor bearing gifts no less. People, listen up, allow me to introduce Ms. Jane Parker, who is here representing this precinct’s corporate partners, the National Firearms League. Ms. Parker.”

“Thank you, Sergeant. Good morning, officers. My name is Julia Parker and I’m the National Firearms district liaison for your Hill Street precinct. It’s my pleasure to be here this morning. 

“As most of you are undoubtedly aware, today marks the third anniversary of the Affordable Cop Act and our employers at the NFL would like to mark this occasion with a special gift to all of you. On your way out, my assistant, Robert, will give you each a gift bag. It’s a small token of the NFL’s appreciation of all your hard work. Included in the bag, among other items, you will  find a brand new, never been fired, Glock 19.” 

Ms. Parker takes a moment’s pause as the ripple of surprise subsided.

“I’ve been tasked with reporting to you all that percentage sales for the Hill precinct this past year have more than doubled corporate projections. A bonus check for each one of you will be transferred to your individual accounts next pay period. Congratulations one and all!”

Ms. Parker begins the applause but soon all the officers join in.

“Yes, congratulations! But today we’re starting a new sales year and I just want to remind each of you that you are the face of the National Firearms League out there on the streets. You should all remember that each time you discharge one of your brand new Glocks. We at the NFL, based on historical data, anticipate a ten percent increase in local sales for the following week each time an officer discharges their weapon in the line of duty. So, remember, if given the slightest reason, protect, serve, and fire.

“One other thing before I let you get back onto the streets. You’ve all been doing a great job as NFL public relations reps, but I want to emphasize one point. Whenever any of you are dealing with the media; television, radio, blogs, whatever, always remind the media that police officers never feel safe on the street unless they are carrying a handgun. If you can’t display the weapon to the cameras, at least put your hand near the weapon so it’s included in the frame. We want every civilian in the Hill Street precinct to know that if the cops; well trained in martial arts, self-defense, and all that; can’t feel safe unless they carry a gun, what chance does a middle aged non-combatant have unless he or she is packing too? That’s the sales pitch and it’s a winner! Guns are fun! What protects the police can protect you too!

“Thank you all!”

To polite applause Ms. Parker leaves the room and the Sergeant once again addresses his troops. “You heard it all. Pick up your new pistols on the way out. And Pearson Avenue near 5th is closed until this afternoon. Plan your patrols around it. OK, that’s it. Hit the streets.”

The officers assemble their equipment, pick up their gift bags, but before anyone can leave the room, the Sergeant speaks once again.

“Hey, let's be careful out there.” 

The Donkey in Rehab

(TRANSCRIPT OF THERAPY SESSION NUMBER 3)

First one's always free. As universal a rule as you’re going to find.

That’s what they say.

When did you start? Was the first taste so attractive? So irresistible? 

You don’t get it. It was always this way. Somebody makes a donation. You do them a favor. And if somebody owned you, well, that’s the way it is.

So, you think being bought is a good thing?

Listen, it’s like anything else. It’s like drinking. A couple of cocktails now and then. Nobody cares. Some people can drink like fish and not stumble. Others, a few belts and they’re butt naked in the middle of the street trying to hail a cab.

So which one are you?

That’s why we’re here. We all thought we could take donations from corporations and not be overly beholden to them. Things got out of control.

What do you mean by that?

Money is the obvious problem. But it’s the operatives too. Eventually the money came with consultants who said they were for the people, but they were for the corporations. It’s the revolving door. Soon enough their culture permeated the party. And their ideas started to take over. Instead of talking about guaranteed minimum income, we were talking about minimum wage. Crap like that. Instead of Medicare for all, we’re selling more private insurance policies. Biggest money maker since the printing press. And all these Democrats who say they’re for the people are doing the donor’s bidding.

How’s that?

They sold the big lie. What with media advisors and all the other idiots who come with the big bucks, they sold us on the idea we needed to fight money with money. Had to keep the conglomerate donations coming in so we could buy the ads broadcast on outlets owned by the major corporations themselves. It was a daily fix. An hourly fix. We were like hamsters on the wheel. Shooting up the cash all the time. Thought we could buy a win over the Republicans.  Instead of beating them, we became them.

“We have met the enemy, and he is us.”

Exactly. What type of idiots were we? Thinking we could defeat big corporate money using their weapons? They tossed us scraps and idiots wearing two thousand dollar suits and suddenly, we’re all dressed up looking like children at take your kid to work day. Laughable. Supposedly a party of the people, but looking, sounding, and acting like an extremely pale reflection of corrupt Republicans. Such a shame.

What do you intend to do about it?

Coming here was the first step. We have to cut all ties with the corporations. Donations, consultants, private planes, everything. The way it is now, even if we win we lose. They have their hooks in us so deep. We say we represent the citizens but we take money and orders from corporations. Nobody in this party is supposed to think corporations are citizens.

Then what.

Then we take the Republicans’ biggest strength, their money, and use it against them. We say we’re the party of human beings and they’re the party of lethal conglomerates. We’re the party of American citizens and they’re the party of Swiss bankers and international cartels.

You think that will work?

What we’re doing now sure as hell isn’t. We’ll never has as much money as them. They want us to fight with them using their favorite weapon. Money. Screw that. Let all their cash burn a hole in their pockets. Set their whole house on fire. Make money an albatross we can hang around their neck. Give the people a choice for a change. Instead of liberal corporate party versus conservative corporate party, make it a choice of life over death. People versus killer corporate machines. It might work.

Good. You’re showing some progress. Tomorrow then?

Yeah, tomorrow. All these ideas sound good in rehab. It’s when we get out into the real world the fight begins.

 

-----------------

 

A Wonderful Christmas Gift 

BLOOD MONEY

(Also published on Dissident Voice)




BLOOD MONEY means different things to different people. In some cultures it’s the price paid to the victim’s family by the perpetrator, after a family member is murdered. Elsewhere it can be a fine paid for committing libel, theft, physical harm, or rape. If you employ a contract killer, their payment is also BLOOD MONEY

In cultures influenced by Christian traditions, BLOOD MONEY refers to an historic market transaction. When you talk BLOOD MONEY there, you’re talking about those infamous thirty pieces of silver paid to Judas Iscariot for squealing on his boss. After the fact, when Judas tried to return the money, even the bankers wouldn’t have anything to do with those particular shiny silvers. Business leaders back then thought those coins would pollute their existing supply. Money earned by a heinous criminal act. BLOOD MONEY. What a concept! 

Today people are divesting from those international criminal corporations whose business models depend upon the massive combustion of carbon based fuels. It’s been over forty years since everyone with a conscious mind realized the world was overdosing on oil and coal. For decades those involved in profiting from combustible carbon have worked their damndest to disguise the inevitable conclusion that their currency is BLOOD MONEY, and their industries, if not reigned in, might well destroy human life on Earth.

But these are not the only organizations where BLOOD MONEY flows. No pharisee would ever touch the BLOOD MONEY of a nuclear weapons manufacturers like General Electric. Insurance corporations, pharmaceutical companies, and like minded criminal operations who ration healthcare, with profits as their major consideration, should be committed to their own circle of hell as well. Cartels pushing oil, gas, and coal aren’t the only merchants of death.

As in the case of Conflict Diamonds, civilized society should turn their backs on the BLOOD MONEY generated by businesses that are acting against humanity’s best interest. When today’s investment bankers say the money is all green, and everything fungible is of equal worth, they are participating in a convenient lie. Just as trade in diamonds from countries involved in brutal wars has been outlawed; financial dealings with, or stock ownership in, corporations that engage in activities detrimental to the lives and human rights of all homo sapiens should immediately cease. If you do business with a criminal organization, knowing full well their crimes, you become as guilty as they.

Simply coming into contact with BLOOD MONEY corrupts us all. Like Ebola, letting BLOOD MONEY even touch you, can be fatal to all of humanity.

At the present time in the United States, there is little hope of a legal remedy to eliminate the activities of these corporate merchants of death, so a cultural solution must be found. Those dealing in BLOOD MONEY: oil company executives, and those trading in their stocks and bonds; nuclear weapon manufacturers, and for-profit healthcare rationers should be shunned as the criminals they are. If you know someone who owns shares in a petroleum company, turn your back on them, and tell them why. If your doctor is a part owner of a for-profit hospital, take your business elsewhere, and explain that healthcare is a human right, and a the person’s freedom, should not be traded in the marketplace. If a business is dripping with BLOOD MONEY, their employees shouldn’t be given awards by the PTA. 

Extremists will say that some corporations will always do some harm. On occasion some people will kill other human beings, but that doesn’t mean murderers should be accepted in a civilized society.

If you’re doing business with merchants of death and their BLOOD MONEY, there is really no way to wash the blood off your hands.

--

Ahab Shorts the Market

(published at Dissident Voice)


Imagine owning warehouses full of second rate bootleg hooch at the very moment Prohibition is repealed.

Imagine still owning a buggy whip factory.

Imagine possessing  billions of gallons of oil, just as renewable energy sources begin chopping major chunks out of your market share. Watching as the worth of your reserves decreases day after day after day.

With every advance by alternative energy industries, the potential price of the world’s oil reserves decreases.

Today, 30% of Germany’s electric power is being produced by alternative sources. How do Germany’s new power producers effect the value of known oil reserves? Replacing oil based energy generators with renewables very simply reduces the value of the known oil reserves. The same supply with less demand equals lower value. It’s a rudimentary equation.

Will a tipping point soon arrive? In the near future, will there be a time when renewables control such a share of energy production that the demand for oil might be so low there is no financial incentive in opposing laws restricting carbon based fuels? Will there soon come a time when the wealth of some nations is not measured by the amount of oil beneath their sands?

Perhaps. It’s one possibility.

What would happen then? Many things. You might be witnessing some of the inevitable results right now.

For decades upon decades the Middle East has been the industrial world’s oil bank. Keeping that particular neighborhood in turmoil has been of extreme benefit to oil consumers. The Oil Crisis of 1973 was just one illustrating instance of how expensive it can get when oil producing nations agree on anything. Middle Eastern instability has been a key element in keeping energy prices low.

But what if the price of oil becomes so low that the instability of the Middle East is of little consequence to the industrial world? What if there is no financial benefit in keeping those nations in turmoil? What if alternative energy sources turn the current flow of oil into a glut on the market?

For many years Israel has been America’s forward base in the Middle East. What if, when oil becomes a too plentiful commodity, the United States no longer cares about events in that portion of the globe? Would Israel remain such a valued ally to its greatest benefactor? What would Israel do if it realized it would soon be of decreasing value to Imperial America? Would it seek to annex certain real estate immediately, instead of waiting until a time when its currency is of decreasing benefit to its benefactor?


Change of any kind involves cost. As renewable energy sources continue their march to eventually replace oil, markets will shift, the earth’s atmosphere may well change, and nations will reevaluate their geopolitical alliances. Some will see the future and act upon it sooner than others.

When employing disruptive technologies such as today’s renewable energy generators, there will always be consequences.


---

Thank You, Justice Alito

Thank you, Justice Alito, that for once and for all you’ve produced irrefutable proof that five members of the current Supreme Court are entirely bat shit crazy.

Thank you for illustrating how extremists can carry any insane notion to a logical conclusion. The conclusion being, in this case, that you and those other four judges are indeed bat shit crazy.

But I really want to thank you for something else entirely.

Hey, Secretary Clinton, how would you like to make the Supreme Court decision mostly moot, help women receive affordable healthcare, while submarining a leading light of the Republican Party and playing havoc with the opposition as well?

Secretary Clinton should support Republican Governor Bobby Jindahl in his call for having the FDA classify oral contraceptives as being available for purchase over-the-counter.

Isn’t that pretty simple?

Now nothing other than a few retirements will undo the harm done by the Moron 5 currently holding sway on the Supreme Court, but making oral contraceptives available over-the-counter will certainly make Alito’s decision a little more meaningless. And at the same time we could all thank Hobby Lobby for assisting in making oral contraception more easily available. (Them old pesky unintended consequences.)

Secretary Clinton would remain a champion of human rights. In associating herself with Jindahl, she would compromise the governor forever in the eyes of most Republicans, eliminating one of that party’s brighter lights. And Secretary Clinton would make a life saving drug available to as many women as possible give present legal circumstances. This can be done right now.

Which begs the question: Why didn’t Democratic Presidents have the FDA classify oral contraceptives as over-the-counter in either the Clinton or Obama administrations?

It could have been easily accomplished by either Presidents Clinton or Obama. No need for legislation or anything complicated . All it would have taken was the stroke of a pen by a department entirely under the jurisdiction of the President of the United States.

It would take a fairly cynical person to come to the conclusion that Democrats refuse to classify oral contraceptives as over-the-counter drugs when they have the chance because they want to keep the argument with  Republicans over contraception raging as long as possible. If oral contraception being easily available ended a fierce debate that has brought more women to the Democratic side, perhaps the Dems really don’t give a damn about the health and well being of women, as long as they keep voting Democratic.

But that’s probably too cynical. A less cynical reason is Democratic Presidents are far too dependent on the cash criminal pharmaceutical corporations send their way.

Or perhaps both.

So here’s your chance, Secretary Clinton. You can immediately aid women all across America by insisting oral contraceptives be more easily accessible, while at the same time compromising the opposition party .

Or, you can do nothing and show that like most national Democratic leaders, you’re more interested in winning elections and accumulating money than in the lives and well being of American women.


---------

It’s Time for Stewart and Colbert to Retire

The King is delighted when the Village Idiot is mocked by the Fool. The King is delighted when anyone is mocked by the Fool other than the King. Unfortunately for Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, their job is to mock the King and they have failed to do that for quite some time.

How would today’s Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert have covered the Irish Potato Famine?

“Stephen, did you see this piece in the Fine Outstanding Xenophobian today? I mean really. Blaming all the famine deaths in Ireland on a Papist pact with the devil.”

“Jon, how can you appear shocked? Those drooling cretins come up with the most ludicrous stories every day. Please, aren’t we above such things?”

“Stephen, true. We are above all this, but it doesn’t make their rants any less hilarious.”

“True, Jon. I mean really, do you see where they say Papists all have tails like the devil, which is why God is punishing them with this famine?”

“Stephen, you are so right. Everyone knows Papists don’t have tails. Even imagining Papists with tails has to be the silliest thing I’ve seen in a long time.”

“Jon, Papists with tails. The Xenophobian has done it again. Aren’t they just the village idiot? We are so much cooler than that.”

“Right, Stephen. Now, moving right along to today’s silly cat drawing.”

Not a word about the suffering Irish. Not a word about where the surplus food in Ireland was being shipped. Not a word about all those profiting from this particular genocide. Instead, they discuss the alleged flaws of the British propaganda system. Jewels before swine. Parody gold ignored for cheap laughs.

And there you have it. Even back then the Fox network would have decided the topic of discussion. And Stewart and Colbert would be more than willing to echo the distraction of the day. Fox tells you where to look, classic misdirection, and the two of them, for whatever reasons, are all too willing to follow Roger Ailes commands.

At times it feels like half of their broadcasts are wasted calling the Fox Village Idiot an idiot. Pitiful. Lazy.

It’s as if Stewart and Colbert were in high school and instead of mocking the principal, they decide to pick on the special education kids, who the principal encourages to smash ice cream cones against their own foreheads.

If Roger Ailes and his paymasters at Fox aren’t paying Stewart and Colbert, they should be. If they’re not being paid by Fox directly, they’re either complete morons or being reimbursed indirectly. "I don't care what they say about me as long as they spell my name right." Fox thanks both of them whenever they broadcast.

Satirists have to be held to a higher standard than the obvious low bar Stewart and Colbert have now set for themselves. They keep reveling in the awards received from those who benefit from their harmless (to them) form of social criticism. At the moment neither are worthy to lick Russell Brand’s boots.

We know they’re both middle-aged men with families, well, that probably says it all. Family men often have good reason to act in ways that others might call cowardly. It’s the same type of knee jerk fear which Fox feeds upon. Perhaps it’s time for both to pull a Chappelle and simply walk away. They’ve lost their edge. Leave it to younger or older people to carry on the attack. Leave before they become caricatures of themselves. Leave before they become even more of an embarrassment.

“Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.” Not long ago that quote cited by Peter O’Toole was brought to mind. Comedy is hard, gentlemen, and the two of you have gotten far too soft.

My Love Affair with Barack Obama

Available for Nook - My Love Affair with Barack Obama

Or if you like Kindle - My Love Affair with Barack Obama 

When should Phil resign as Dog Catcher?

Don't the howls wake you up in the morning? I know they do me. And I'm pretty sure that those packs of rabid dogs growling and prowling around Phil's house probably wake him and his family up as well. Rabid dogs taking control of the streets means the problem has gotten out of hand.

Like I've said before, Phil is a swell guy and if I were in college I'm sure I'd really enjoy taking one of his classes on the history of Dog Catching but right now theory just isn't getting a whole bunch of jobs done.

I have a pretty good idea what you're going to say. The folks who are putting up a candidate to oppose Phil don't want whoever holds the position of Dog Catcher to do anything at all. They say that if it were up to them there wouldn't even be a Dog Catcher. If you don't vote for Phil you're just letting those who want rabid dogs to run totally free win. And nobody in their right minds wants that.


Phil, resign now and let us run somebody else.


Back when I was a teenager there was a big project I wanted to do. So, one morning I rolled up my sleeves and got to work. By the end of the afternoon, you could see I'd done a lot of work. There were parts and tools all over the place. But as I stood there looking out over a good day's work, I realized something. I realized I was way over my head and really had no idea what I was doing. It wasn't that the job was beyond my intellect. It simply was that I had no idea what I was doing. It went against my grain to realize that I should quit the job and let someone with more experience and talent take over, but that's what I did. One of the smartest moves I ever made in my life.

Some people can sing. Some can't. Some folks can play contract bridge or chess like wizards. Others have no interest or talent. Some folks can sail a boat. Others send themselves and their passengers on a one way tour of Davy Jones' Locker.

Phil, take a look around you. The dogs are running wild. You've spent all the money allotted to your department. You must know by now that you couldn't catch a dog if your life depended on it.

Phil, it's time for you to resign.

I know it's an ego thing on your part. You know you should be able to be a Dog Catcher and that people with a lot less mental capacity than you have managed to be reasonably good Dog Catchers.

That's life.

Phil, you really suck at the job. It's time for you to give it up.

This doesn't mean that we all don't like you. It's just that we really should find something else for you to do. Something a bit more suited to your talents.

Thank you.

Why Phil shouldn't be elected Dog Catcher

Phil shouldn't be elected dog catcher.

Some folks should never get anywhere near a carburetor either. Or a fuel pump. Or a radiator. Or a transmission. You pick whatever part of an automobile you want and some folks shouldn't touch it with a ten-foot long socket wrench.

Now, let's get something straight right from the jump. Phil is one hell of a smart fellow. As far as brains packed into cubic centimeters, you're not going to find a brighter bulb if you searched all around for a month.
Phil knows his history. He knows philosophy. He's studied politics. He's even taught law. You're not going to fault the guy on the academic side, that's for sure.

And personable? You bet. He's got a smile and a set of teeth which could send the hearts of an entire convention of orthodontists all atwitter. Phil can make a whole room happy just by walking into it. There's probably not a digit big enough to describe the number of mothers who imagined Phil with their daughters.

Phil is an extremely intelligent, well studied, personable, charming guy.
Which might be part of the reason he shouldn't be elected dog catcher.

Just like people with absolutely no experience as mechanics shouldn't be paid to put a wrench to an engine, Phil really shouldn't be elected to the post of dog catcher.

Maybe it has something to do with getting your hands dirty. Phil just isn't the kind of guy to actually be able to do the job. Why? Good question. Have any of you ever seen Phil with a dog? He certainly has made a lot of speeches, but nobody has ever come forward and claimed that they've actually ever seen Phil within twenty feet of a dog. If you're going to be the dog catcher around here, you've really got to get a lot closer to the animals than Phil ever has been. You can't deliver a lot of feel good speeches and expect a pack of rabid dogs to lock themselves up in a cage without any human intervention.
You have to get your hands dirty. You've got to go running after the dogs and throw a net over them. You've got to bring those curs down. You've got to break into a sweat and face a pack of bared fangs that want to rip your throat apart. You have to get out of the office, lose your cool, and get down and dirty with a pack of wild dogs.

Phil, as we've all seen, is incapable of any of that.
Just like you wouldn't let any fool with no experience work on your car, you shouldn't elect Phil dog catcher.

Some folks say because he was elected dog catcher last election we should elect him this time around.

But the question remains, has anyone ever seen Phil anywhere near a dog?

Don't elect Phil again.

Are you better off with all those rabid dogs running around?

Don't elect Phil dog catcher again.

Thank you.

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Mere Mindlessness

And so the blather which presents itself as statesmanship continues. The party of the extreme right dithers on about no government while the party of the less extreme right wing weeps about how it will have to take even more money from the poor and hand it over to their immensely wealthy donors.

If Obama or Boehner had a balanced budget and all the discretionary cash in the world, they wouldn't know what to do with it because neither of them have a brain in their heads when it comes to what this country should actually be doing. Both Obama and Boehner are obsessed about counting the pennies in this country's household change jar.

For months what has been dominating the media streams is the debt ceiling. The debt ceiling is a mundane piece of crap, as any twelve year-old lemonade stand owner can tell you. How did raising the debt ceiling, something so routine that it's been done over one hundred times before, become the latest performance piece for drama queens Obama and Boehner?

It plays like this. Boehner, as head of the opposition, has to choose a position opposite that of Obama yet still be within the Republican party play book. Problem: Obama has stolen all the moderate and conservative plays and is running them himself. Boehner is stuck with the extreme conservative play book because that's the only part of the Republican party Obama isn't already representing.

Which is pretty bad for Boehner but great for Obama since all Obama cares about is getting reelected anyway. And it's pretty damn horrible for the country when in the midst of a depression a Democratic president is cutting social programs. 10% unemployment and the Democrats are talking cuts. Remember, it was Obama who signed the extension of the Bush tax giveaways to the wealthiest Americans. Would we be in such dire straits if Obama hadn't signed that extension? And no more friggin whining! The Republicans made me do it! Pitiful. The President of the United States of America has the biggest Bully Pulpit in the world and all we hear from the current Chief Executive is why he can't do anything. Pitiful.

Right now the President should be promoting a two million person job bill and the Republicans should be whining how it should only be a one million person job bill.

Right now the President should be sending to congress an infrastructure bill to top all infrastructure bills and the Republicans should be whining how their districts aren't getting a big enough piece of the pie.

Right now the President should be prosecuting those who ordered the torture of prisoners in the name of the United States and the Republicans should be hiring lawyers and resigning.

Instead Obama and Boehner are playing footsies with each other and counting the future votes.

A pox on both of them.
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Obama looks back for the Mafia, not for the Torturers

Big news today is the rounding up of Mafia members all the way from the balmy shores of New Jersey to the frequently frozen fens of Boston. The Obama Justice Department decided it was about time they should enforce some of the laws of the United States. Attorney General Holder instructed his department that they should look back and notice some actual crimes probably had been committed and the full force of the Department of Justice descended upon a hundred or so Italian-Americans and their associates.

Isn’t it wonderful watching all those bad guys being rounded up and forced to march in the ever so popular perp walks.

Gambling, murder, pension fund plundering, you name it, overweight middle-aged men were suddenly busted for it.

There’s pretty good odds not a single one of them confessed to their criminal activities before the Feds called their press conference.

Not one of them copped to having ordered the torture of prisoners. There may or may not be photographs of hooded prisoners having live electric cords attached to their bodies while numerous fat bellies consumed uncounted cannoli.

Why has Attorney General Holder decided that he should stop looking ahead and stop not looking back when it comes to the Mob but keep looking ahead and never looking back when it comes to the self-confessed crimes of George W. Bush? Why has the Obama administration decided torture is no longer a criminal offense but bookmaking still is?

Perhaps the recently arrested capos should confess to ordering their soldiers to waterboard their victims instead of instructing them to break the usual kneecaps.

According to Obama administration precedent, confessing to ordering torture grants the penitent unconditional immunity for themselves and their underlings.

So, let’s get this figured out. If you make book in New England, you go to jail. If you dip your fingers into a pension account, you go to jail. But if you order the torture of powerless prisoners under your control, you get to brag about your nefarious deeds in a best selling book and have the President of the United States of America dismiss your crimes against humanity as something less worth investigating than running a whore house in Manhattan.

Illegal gambling - worth prosecuting.

Ordering the torture of prisoners by waterboarding - not worth prosecuting.

President Obama and his underlings have demonstrated the complete contempt they have for the law.

Gumby has shown more backbone than either Obama or Holder.

(Is it surprising that there doesn’t appear to be any Mafia activity in Chicago?)

Perpetual War - Thanks Democrats and Republicans

Do you even think about the wars? After ten years of occupation of one Muslim country or another, do you ever stop to think about just how wrong these military actions are?

With all the whining from both parties about nickels and dimes and new economic theories coming out of liberal or conservative think tanks on a daily basis, does anyone ever talk about how much those predator drones cost as they crash into another home wiping out the families of somebody someone somewhere thinks may be a terrorist?


How much does it cost every time the current president decides to put out a death contract on another United States citizen without benefit of the judicial process?

But you read and listen to the idiots who hour after hour, day after day, week after week, repeat the same theme, endlessly, that the economy is the most important problem of the day.

Sure it’s the economy.

After all, your tax dollar probably went to pay for that piece of shrapnel which ripped through the brainpan of another child, as unmindful weaponry wiped out the family of another presumed terrorist.

As recently as two days ago these military minded morons didn’t even know who they were negotiating with at the highest level. Yet you stupidly buy their declarations that they know exactly who they are assassinating. And if you dismember innocent children, well, that’s that. Bloody, mutilated, innocents. After all, the economy is the most important topic of the day.

You think that if you don’t allow the professional gunmen to destroy whatever they wish to destroy, dark foreigners will again attack the homeland. Why don’t you simply admit you’ve become a Nazi? Take a look at yourself. You’ve allowed the executive branch of this government to wage war, imprison whoever they want, and assassinate Americans at will, without any judicial or legislative review. You’ve surrendered your rights to your fuhrer out of fear. The leader can kill whoever he thinks is necessary to kill in order to protect the homeland.

And there you have it. The news is composed of the ravings of a photogenic ranter from Alaska, the domestic dramas of foreign royals, and idiots espousing capitalism as if it were part of the constitution, and that’s the way you like it.

Ten years. How many deaths are you responsible for? You’ve been financing this carnage but you feel clean because you are not given the opportunity to witness this bloodbath hourly on the tube.

And now the Democrats say troops will occupy Afghanistan at least until 2014.

Obama had a secret plan to end the war. By now you should recognize it as the same plan Richard Nixon had, keep killing until someone stops you.

Have you had enough of the bloodbath? Have you sucked enough life juice from the necks of Afghanis and Iraqis? Have you returned to sanity following your 9-11 breakdown?

You are killing innocents. You are mindlessly supporting those who protect torturers while bombing children.

It’s all on you now.

It’s all on us.

It is time to stop the madness.

We are destroying this country while at the same time mindlessly killing thousands half a world away.

It is time we try something else.

It’s simple.

Stop relinquishing our rights to the military.

Give peace a chance.

NO SEX FOR DEMOCRATS

After nearly a year-and-a-half of Republicans taking control of the Democratic Party, it’s time for the referees to start calling fouls. After Barack Obama has shown he can hustle more private insurance policies than anyone could ever have imagined and peddle infinitely more patent medicine than any fever dreamed snake oil salesman, it is time to blow the whistle on the Obama brand of corporate Republicanism.

A quick reminder. Doubling the number of troops in Afghanistan under Obama. How many troops are in Iraq right now? (Comparing anyone to George W. Bush should be the definition of damning by faint praise.) Obama’s refusal to prosecute torturers. (A crime in itself.) Predator drone assassinations. Shoveling trillions to Wall Street. (Tax breaks for small business? What Republican in the past hundred years hasn’t campaigned on that canard?) Passing a Health Care Bill weaker than that introduced by Republican Bob Dole over sixteen years ago. How many times does Obama have to prove to us that he really is a corporate Republican?

Forget Obama. It’s time to go Lysistrata on the entire Democratic Party.

Now let’s not get all in a lin tizzy about this. We all know that politicians are a sexless bunch of power junkies who wouldn’t be at all phased by withdrawal of intimate human contact. Pols only care about one thing, votes. It’s time to pull out of the Democratic Party until they promise to come across with something worthy of our affections.

This year, if your Democratic senator, congressman, governor, dog catcher, whatever does not support Medicare for All Americans, and does not pledge to help introduce legislation to that effect, cross your legs, withdraw your essence, and let them know your vote is going elsewhere. Vote Green if you want. Write in if you feel like it. (The correct spelling of my name should be at the top of this article.) Stop supporting the corporate Democratic/Republican party. And make sure you let them know why they’ve lost your support. It is time to act. There is a national election coming up in a few months. Obama and his Democrats have proven that they would rather sell private insurance company policies than campaign for universal health care. Now is the time to pull out of the Democrat Party until they come across.

REFUSE TO VOTE FOR ANY DEMOCRAT WHO ISN’T 110% BEHIND MEDICARE FOR ALL AMERICANS.

MAKE SURE YOU LET THEM KNOW WHY AND WHERE YOUR VOTE IS GOING

It’s game time. How many more American will die because corporations are allowed to run health care?
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So Tax Me for Living

If you live and breathe in the United States you are about to be taxed. Not your income. Not your property. You are about to be taxed simply for living. And breathing. You are about to be charged a fee for your right to life in the United States of America. Welcome to the Breath Tax.

(Disclaimer: Opening up Medicare for all Americans is the only moral and efficient way to deal with the present healthcare situation. Imagine how much money would be saved by putting the private insurance pencil pushers out to pasture.)

Think about it for a second. Forcing every American, under penalty of law, who is not covered by public insurance to be covered by private insurance is possibly the most egregious tax ever levied upon the citizens of these United States. This unprecedented transfer of private funds into the coffers of corporations is the harbinger of the coming of a corporate state.

What Obama’s Democrats are proposing is the equivalent of a tax for living. Never before has any American been taxed simply for breathing. And to add insult to injury, the money will not be going into Federal coffers, it will end up in the pockets of insurance companies, enabling them to finance even more campaigns aimed at extorting even greater sums from Americans.

You breathe, you pay a private insurance company, unless you’re already under Federal protection. Your money or your life. I wouldn’t feel so bad about all of this if at least there were a public option where my money would not be used by private companies who would rather see me die than take away money from their shareholders. At least the Federal government isn’t bound to increase earnings for stock holders. It’s bad enough being taxed to breathe, but to pay the money to corporations, who by law do not have your best interests at heart, well, that’s a little hard to take.

The Breath Tax, certainly has a ring to it doesn’t it? Unless you are over 65, disabled, a veteran, a child, you are going to be forced to pay money to private insurance companies, either indirectly, through your employer, or out of your own pocket.

I hate to bring this up, but Obama’s Breath Tax is a poll tax.

Remember the old poll taxes? Poll taxes were used to keep minorities from voting. Obama’s breath tax isn’t exactly that.

A poll tax is a capitation tax. Poll used to mean “head.” What we’re talking about here is counting heads which is what happens when you go to the polls and vote. No doubt this is a bit confusing but there you have it. The trick is that the US doesn’t use poll taxes. Hasn’t in quite some time. A poll tax is a regressive tax if there ever were one. In other words, Bill Gates and anybody pulling in 40 grand a year are subject to the same minimum tariff. The same minimum tariff to be paid to some insurance company represented by Joe Lieberman.
So there you have some information. The Breath Tax demands you pay money to corporate insurers. Obama’s Breath Tax puts tax money directly into private hands. Today’s Democrats are presenting no other option.
There’s only one way to avoid the Obama Breath Tax.
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