HOW PETER BRESCHARD AGAIN SAVES 

HIS PARTICULAR UNIVERSE

by Peter Breschard

Box Office moxie

Sunny side of life.

Title Card

Better buy BROWARD BAKED BEANS, you betcha!

Bo - have this old guy who probably was going anyway, maybe, Home, family, grandkids. We all know the script.

BROWARD BAKED BEANS, YOU BETCHA!!! 

Well this wheezy Congressman decides his home and families need him more than the great people of this great, the great Congressional District, great people. Not kidding, the really great, great people of this beloved District of ours. 

Well let me tell you right here and now:

Behind me. 

Behind this very curtain. 

This curtain!!!

POINTS TO CURTAIN

There’s a fella who you all know and remember as I do. I remember when he was at the helm of this ship. He steered our boat through many a storm. Now you can think anyway you, anyway you want to about this man but you have to admit, at the very least he’s the kind of criminal who can be aware of the certain limitations placed upon us all. 

BETCHA THAT’S BROWARD BAKED BEANS, YOU BETCHA!!! BET!!!!!

You are certainly free to feel anyway you want about the man but I couldn’t think of a better, more qualified person to follow in my footsteps. 

Size 10 to be exact.

INTRODUCING!   ----- 

Animated Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Hearst Club Band type thingee.

Did Sergeant Pepper own the Lonely Hersh Club?

Heartless

“May I introduce to you?” Allow me to introduce myself.

No. No. No. No. Wrong card entirely. Sorry, wronged teleprompter. 

HEARS THE PLAN PEBBLE

Ha! Teleprompter? Ha! I’m working here on paper with ballpoint like the primitives do. Whacka do. Whacka do. Back to the reason we all be here. 

Might I, might I, might I tonight introduce to you? Tonight! Right now! Might I introduce to all of you the next Representative for own beloved, beloved District... You know him well. Well, The Once and Future Representative.... you know him so well .... Mr. .... THE... 

THE ONCE AND THE FUTURE! 

Put the man in place in this time of need! This time of need. Who else you got? 

THAT’S BROWARD BAKED BEANS, YOU BETCHA!!

To be or not to be? That dear Sancho, is the question. No, my Don, that is a windmill. 

THE ONE. THE ONLY. THE ONE WHO NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION 

ME. SMOOTH 

ME. SOMETHINGOROTHERELSE

THE FORMER AND THE FUTURE

(You think you’ve got everything. Don’t you? Don’t you? 

Of course, I don’t. That would be a flaw.)

Might I introduce to you now, our darling District’s next and future Congressman!

Wait for it. Wait for it. Wait for it.

Our future Congressman! Our former President!

Mr. President

I give you, Barack Obama!

It’s the maths and most certainly do not leave it to the lawyers. Maximum in office two years. Reverse jitsu. Probably, maybe, who cares? Take it to the Black Robes (and you guys call yourselves Catholics? And Reformed!) By the time there’s a ruling it will be time for him to clock out.

And how exactly do you expect that to work? 

We elect him to Congress. Gets into office. With new Democratic majority he gets the Speaker of the House job without breaking a sweat. And that takes care of one problem. 

But that’s just one problem Only a single step.

One down. Two to go. 

One to be followed by others. This can work. You have to have Hope!

Hope! Finally Hope! Once again peace will come to our valley! Once again the birds will sing and the stacks not smoke! There were times I thought the Ogre would never leave! But you have brought the joy of peace to our people!

No. No. No. No. Stop what you’re doing. Please, just stop. Really immediately.

Why’s that, wisenheimer?

He wants us to lose. He’s with the Ogre! Help! There’s an Ogre among us!

No. I want all of us to win, and for the Ogre to win a free, all expense paid trip to Saint Barts for him and the rest of his entourage. Where they will spend the rest of their days in a gated community where they can recriminate one another for the rest of their days.

BROWARD BAKED BEANS

Should we stop doing what we’re doing? Replacement might save the entire world. Not that it’s like we’re wasting time or anything like that. 

Let’s get moving on this. We don’t know who he is.

What if I were to tell you there is a better way. What if I were to tell you that I have seen the light and the light it is good!

Seen the light have you? OK we were just wrapping up for the day here. Thanks for stopping in.

Wait. Wait. Sometimes I forget you aren’t as happy as I am about this. That’s because you haven’t seen the light. You don’t have to run him.

We sort of do. 

If you think somebody has to be a Representative in the House of Representatives to be the Speaker of the House of Representatives, how wrong you are. 

My mama told me you better be a Representative in the House of Representatives in order to be anointed the Speaker of the House of Representatives.

“Your Better Shop Around”. Right?

Absolutely.

Finally got one.

Moving on. It seems when consulting ancient scrolls the Wise Woman of Oke Mostly discovered a long forgotten papyrus indicating that the House of Representatives can crown anyone they feel like, on any given Sunday, the Speaker of the House of Representatives and all environs therein.

So, we don’t have to pay off that Congressional asshat?

Nopey Dokey. You most certainly do not. After you take control of the House, the Representatives therein bejewel Barak Obama with the Speakership of that there House and in thereby doing present him to the great American public as second in line for the Presidency.

President. Vice President. Speaker of the House (you know who). President Pro Tempore of the Senate. The list goes on. 

That’s just one problem.

One problem overcome without unnecessary shenanigans. 

Which leaves us with two other problems. 

The heir apparent resigns.

That easy?

That easy. Some people will be living amidst the American people for, hopefully, an extended period of time. And as we all want everyone to get along as joyfully as possible, the Vice President will resign. To “promote the general welfare”. Anything else is unimaginable. But, that particular aspect of the arrangement is really not my department.

We’ll have to think about this.

Of course. I would certainly hope so. A possibility being offered. Bet I know your next question.

THAT’S BROWARD BAKED BEANS, YOU BETCHA!!

And the imaginary Big Kahuna?

Thought you would never ask. Big fat Kahuna wins a free, all expense paid trip to Saint Barts!

And if they don’t want to go? 

Who wouldn’t like to win a free, all expense paid trip to Saint Barts? Anyone turning down a free, all expense paid trip to Saint Barts is quite unimaginable. He will be proffered an offer which any rational human could not possibly refuse. Again, not my department.

Don Quixote?

Not really close. So there you have it.

I don’t know. Seems too easy.

Nothing is ever easy. And for good measure it’s legal as Spiegal. How’s that for direct mail?

BETCHA THAT’S BROWARD BAKED BEANS, YOU BETCHA!!! BET!!!!!

With any luck Peter Breschard will be back next week to all the beans and to help save another of his universes. Same time. Same channel. See you all next week!

And thanks for all the fishies!

FIN

SON OF SEITAN: THE SEQUEL 

vegetarian steak

Some say Converts are the worst. When you’re born into the cults, and reared in them, you learn to take some things for granted. But fuqqin Converts? Hell, no. They’ve got no sense of the lay of the land. When accepting new authorities, you’ve got to learn the difference between a captain and a private. It takes time since when first starting out all anyone sees is people wearing the same color. And after a while you discern they’ve all got badges and stripes stuck to their clothes. Then, cleverly, you interpret a few have more clout than the more. Then which badge associates with which amount of given clout. And then you see which of them with the same clout badges has the better presentage. And so on, and so, on. Takes a while for the new Convert to figure these distinctions. Some never do. Zealots.

Steak. Burgers, not missed as much. Basically bread crumbs and egg along with some bad meat, or numerous variations. Steaks remain a whole different foreign ball game. There’s “the whole blood and rip ‘em apart with your teeth” shit. Those were the days. The blood will never be replaced but there are other delights. Like the chew. Like sinking your teeth into once vital flesh, giving you vibrant bits of resistance you have learned will soon give way, but, for the moment, the meat fights back the best way it knows. 

Possibly the muscle. The sinew. Connective stretched biologic gluten. There are parallel universes in every con-artist’s repertoire.

Taste will not be the same but there are other rewards.

To begin. 

A little less than what passes for a cup of cooked black beans, rinsed and admired. (There are toasted variations but they are not for you. Not now. Maybe later. Maybe never.)

Vital wheat gluten. An extraordinary, truly amazing product. Not gluten free. Not at all. All gluten all the time. You can make some at home but quite a few projects are best left to professionals. Do not rewire your house on your own. Do not set aside decades to create your own Vital Wheat Gluten. 

Vital wheat gluten: a skosh under two cups.

You like ketchup? Again you can make your own. Easier to create at home than VWG but you know it’s already in your fridge. Dead on half cup.

Spice, spice, baby. Garlic powder (or the real thing for the more advanced), paprika, cumin, blackest of pepper. 1, 1, ½, ½. Approximations. As you wish. As you spill. Measuring spoons are like training wheels.

And now the tricky part. 1/4 cup vegetable stock (homemade is the absolutely easiest and cheapest item in my icebox) and 1/4 cup beet juice. I know, I know, you don’t have beet juice. If you come across some, great. If not you can just use more veg stock making sure to don your rose colored glasses. We are talking cosmetics here. The beets will contribute to the disguise but only by a minute percentage. However, you will come off tres chic in your new pink shades.

Did I say liquid smoke? Again you can make your own, but.... Smidge less than a teaspoon. Wicked, wicked stuff. Buy some. You’ll like it.

Know how to make a marinade? Maple syrup, ketchup, olive oil, soy sauce or Braggs aminos. Double the soy sauce and the rest are about two tablespoons. Go all Pollock using the confines of a suitably sized pan for your canvas. 8x8=64. 9x9=81. So maybe 9x9 you go a little heavy handed.

Got it?

Let’s go.

Beans. Dump them into a food processor. Don’t have a food processor? Buy one. Give this machine a few spins and when the last of them has suffered at least one killing gash, proceed from there. Stay on board not over.

Gather the rest of your ingredients and place them all into the place of spinning blades.

Crank that sucker up and watch ‘er rip. Every so often come to a screeching halt and expertly scrape down the sides using your favorite spatula. 

After a shortish spin all will come together, looking like a brownish sun with smaller planetoids scattered about. That’s cool. It’s where you want it to be. Stop the machine!

If you don’t have a nice, clean, dry, flat surface available, make one available. 

Dump the brown ball and its satellites onto the surface. Shouldn’t be too soggy, shouldn’t be unmaleable. Go back to childhood and think about pliable modeling clay. Carefree and clean. So far.

Need to knead a minute or two. Keep going until you start getting some resistance and the dough becomes slightly schizophrenic. It won’t quite come together as one. You’ll see what I mean. Remember the feeling. Later remember as your jaw has a smooth ride or your muscles get a workout.

If you don’t know how to knead, might I suggest YouTube.

Punch it down and flatten it out a bit. Then take a bench knife or something sharper and then omni Gallia en quatro chunkos.

Punch it down again, flatten a bit,  then step away. Give your opponent the space to loosen up and chill. If you want to step away for 10, 15, hey, it’s your video.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. Get your self a pot, water, and a steamer basket, or something like it. Once again, there are videos. Bring that water to 212 and let the mystical vapor arise. 

Make those 4 piles of something or other stretch out to a shape approximating what a steak might look like. Creativity. Sometimes having these puppies a half inch thick works well for me Sometimes. Sometimes. 

Arrange these guys in the steamer and cover the pot and let steam stream all over the not flesh of your not steaks like you used to know them. 30 minutes for this confined sauna.

Remember the Marinade! Was the battle cry of no war I know of. When 30 be gone, uncover and using tongs, or other implement, you can transfer those hot, hot, hot faux filets into the mix of soy and friends. Sit down. Relax. Get up now and then and flip them over so the marinade marries the meatlike. 

If you’ve a cast iron frying pan with ridges running across so you can have something like grill marks on your steaks, well, so be it. If not any frying panlike object will do. Heat ‘er up, oil a bit, and toss those juicy meatless objects into their own little hell for, let’s say, three minutes a side. Up to you. None of this is financial advice. Brush, you really should have some kind of brush, I don’t know if I advise using an old toothbrush but what the hell, some of the marinade on the steaks as they cook and when you flip them over. 

Mashed potatoes. Something of the greenish persuasion. Steaks. Chewy steaks like your grandma never imagines. Eat. 

These darlings are damned good. If you disagree, you’re entitled.

 BROTHER ELI ADDRESS THOSE WHO HAVE GATHERED

When you hear the sounds of new experiences arriving, do you shut your ears, lock the doors, and hope by distractions to keep unknowns at bay?

It’s challenging enough perceiving all of this world's wonders. When all our sensory inputs are dialed down to zero, when all we hear is a low blue noise, when our vision becomes only starring oncoming headlights, when touch, smell, and taste become a similar numb, where will we stand?

Perhaps all that remains is the a conceptualized fully encompassing dark blue void. Where all thought and beloved memories sail to differing unknown shores. Where exists naught but awl. There will remain no expectations.

No memories. Neither wins nor losses. No superficial pain. No recalled agonies. Gone are bothersome itching limbs, along with departed friends and family. 

Bruises. All bruises will dissipate. Those constant minor irritants projecting us from one location in time to the often following site. Lesser things. Editorial selection. Close-ups, decidedly not panoramas. 

Such minuscule egos. No tightrope walkers they. Fear preceding confidence excepted only as victory assumed. Never confident in abilities. Only in outcomes. Perhaps for victory within the game. But never to design a board. 

Blue. Or must it be blue? Or red? Yellow? Or chartreuse? To tell the truth? 

Only existing as it comes to exist. Ne’er before nor since. And then not. 

To return to blue. 

All blue.

Or nothing. Or anything. Or most. Some of something or nothing of naught. 

So, there’s no blue. Must be the last hope. Something in the nothing. Blue is the nothing. Can nothing be something simply by being called nothing? The concept of nothing is certainly something. So there is no blue.

There is no nothing. But the concept of no nothing does not bring something from the non-nothing. 

We exist here now. Focused on what is. What will come. As long as senses to perceive endure and minds to assimilate.

Looking to the future, myths are created. Cheap fictions redesigning ancestral tales. Create while you can. The killers are out there. Dance on their graves. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu7aOan-lds

IS THERE A WORSE FEELING THAN MISSING GEORGE W. BUSH?

Should John Yoo be appointed Chump’s new ethics advisor?

---

LIVING IN THE GAME

“We have rules, sonny boy. These rules didn’t pop-up out of thin air. A whole lot of wealthy men spent a great deal of time creating these rules. And if you don’t follow them, you’re an idiot.

Son, you’re an idiot.”

Fred Chump or George Bush, the elder?

---

John Yoo is spitting bullets. His most famous works, his Torture Memos, are rapidly becoming irrelevant.  Not a single Young Republican in his office dares look up from their screens. “We spent years creating  legal precedent for our war crimes. Now Chump and his idiots pretend it’s impossible for them to commit crimes against humanity.”

You have to wonder about the incredible amount of work Bush Jr’s organization put into making sure when they were committing their war crimes they'd have their judicial asses covered. Remember those wonderful days of enhanced interrogation! 

---

Back in old time Hollywood a Western sheriff, or whoever was carrying the biggest gun in town, was allowed to do whatever they wanted as long as they didn’t frighten the women or scare the horses. Most certainly Chump and his buddies have frightened the horses

Wiki quotes

Beatrice Stella Tanner Campbell (9 February 1865 – 10 April 1940) was a British actress, the first actress to play Eliza Doolittle, in George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion. Born Beatrice Stella Tanner she was most commonly known as Mrs. Patrick Campbell or "Mrs. Pat" in reference to her first husband, who died in the Boer War.

As Beatrice said:

"Does it really matter what these affectionate people do — so long as they don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses!"

---

At least W pretended to perform military service.  Chump? What the Francis O’Malley are bone spurs?  But enough of that. At least Chump hasn’t commanded an invasion of another country like W did. Too many unnecessary deaths on W’s tally. With Chump, only time will tell. But so far, one point on this point for Slytherin. 

---

Elon Must hasn’t achieved enough to kiss Linus Torvald’s ass.

Didn’t the original (might as well have been a) billionaire, John D. Rockefeller, at least tossed dimes to beggars on the street?

The further we get from the French Revolutionaries executing who they thought were their rich oppressors, the dumber and more insulated the extremely wealthy become.

When it comes to political social  distances, I always forget, is it father or fuhrer?

---

W’s money is a lot older and more American than Chump’s which is not only nouveau but a shitload more foreign based. 

At least W’s father wasn’t a Nazi pimp.

Not to bring children into this, but, in general, W’s kids appear a smidgen less alien. No offense to extra-terrestrials.

---

In the diner where Hegseth goes to order his work schedule for the day, did the Secretary of War (I’m so scared) simply order “#3: Extremely Enhanced Interrogation” and then never think about it again?

---

And the vast majority of Texans aren’t as racist as our Presidential felon son of a Nazi.

Thank W for all the torture under a see thru cover of law

and thank Barack for not prosecuting the Bush administration’s crimes against humanity

and thank Chump for not prosecuting those crimes against defenseless prisoners

and thank Biden for ignoring the law and not pressing charges against American war criminals

and, forget it, the list just goes on.

---

Sometimes I wake up in the morning and hope, if I work hard enough, I’ll become as anti-corporate as Thomas Jefferson was 

---

Would the present Republican Party be willing to bring George W back to replace Chump?

---

First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they huddle under a bed in a locked room within a darkened house within their gated community protected by minimum wage high school dropout security guards.

MR. WILSON AND DENNIS EXPLAIN IT ALL

Yeah 

we’re good 

let’s go for it 

Well imagine if you were Chinese government officials

thinking about the future of their country

and they chat among themselves

hey

We’re importing oil 

we’re sending all this money to Saudi Arabia the United States and Russia 

and you might say they’re fascist countries or worse

no no no no no that’s not going to work we got to put a stop to that

so these government guys got together

all sucking up to the chairman by saying

it’s all about what’s the best way for things to go for China 

You know that’s a very nuanced course 

what people don’t appreciate it that this enormous country 

which has been an oil importer 

for many, many years now 

they all agreed that not having to pay out all that money for oil and gasoline 

from countries like Saudi Arabia, and Russia, and the United States

might be very good for China

 at least that’s the way some people think 

it would be better if they kept all that money and recirculated within the Chinese economy

There’s other folks in the Chinese government who think 

you know we gotta worry about this climate change threat

Some people say that’s the biggest threat to everybody 

so we have to do something about planet but another voice is heard 

We have to, you know, get better jobs for people 

on things and quality of life 

Get them some good work 

keep the people occupied and happy and 

you know 

dedicated to helping make a better China

So that’s all good 

And then they decided to go alternative energy on all of the oil guys 

and they build and they manufacture and everything else that’s green

Boom 

suddenly China is no longer sending you all that moolah 

Saudi Arabia or the United States or Russia 

you know the big oil exporters 

suddenly the oil companies lose the biggest automobile market in the world

sure 

China has the largest automobile market the world 

that’s number one there 

So China goes crazy with electric cars 

they’re really buying those Teslas 

and starting to manufacture their own brands of EVs

early on they even promoted hybrids as a preliminary step

and what have you 

and that’s all well and good 

you know shipping out less money to the oil companies is better than shipping out more money 

And then they figured out how to get rid of the hybrid model,  where you put the gas in, in case your battery runs out

I’ve never been able to figure hybrids out 

basically you have two completely,

 well, let’s say redundant systems 

so the Chinese came out early in favor of all electric cars 

And then they came up with their own idea 

We build the cars ourselves we build them better 

and we sell recharging like they sell gasoline

pull up and swap your battery in three minutes

Guess the oil nations will need to do something to make up for all the money they've lost

 THIS IS NOT A COUNTRY OF LAWS

Some educated citizens cling to the notion that the United State of America is a nation of laws. Those people are quite wrong. The United States is not a country of laws. The United States of America will, as long as it survives, remain a nation of Ideals. Laws are simple tools created to implement the Ideals of this nation.

Whenever a law is written, society admits a failure. The Constitution will forever remain a marvelous document, however, the essence of the Constitution lies not in its main body, nor within its amendments (in which society recognizes how human beings often act against their own best interests), but in the easily understandable words of our Constitution’s preamble.

52 words

"We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

Why the United States of America created itself will forever be the question, and the preamble to its Constitution will constitute the rationale for its existence for as long as we are remembered. The Preamble delineates the Ideals of this nation.

Laws themself are unable to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, create Tranquility, or defend our citizens. Welfare will forever be a multi edged sword, Blessings and Liberty are rarely mentioned alongside legislation. These United States will forever be associated with its citizenry lobbying for less and less taxes, rules, regulations, and laws.

The Preamble of the Constitution enumerates the reasons for the this nation’s existence  

Promote the general Welfare. This the key. Union, Justice, Tranquility, defense, Liberty, all contribute to the promotion of the general Welfare.

Promote the general Welfare has been Cited by the Supreme Court as being sufficient justification for any law to be considered Constitutional. 

 

Since promoting the general Welfare can be considered to encompass all the other purposes enumerated within the Preamble, any law considered by the Supreme Court beneficial to the population in general, the general welfare, has to be considered Constitutional.  

How much latitude does this give the Supreme Court ? Since the Supreme Court retains the ability to justify any law which they consider beneficial to the general population to be Constitutional, so, correspondingly, any law they consider not beneficial, might therefore be deemed unConstitutional. 

Simplicity.

Which means all of the lawyerly nonsense regarding original intent is just that, lawyerly nonsense. Relying on precedent should only be considered an aid when a decision is to be made whether any particular law promotes the general Welfare. Again we must emphatically state that this is not a country built upon laws , but, most importantly , this is a  country built upon Ideals  

When lifetimes are spent in the attempt to justify laws through precedent set in times long past, when the question if the law promotes the general Welfare is never asked, perhaps some have lost their way.

If all legal gymnastics can be boiled down to whether or not certain laws promote the general Welfare or not , certainly a justification upon which the Supreme Courts has relied , this country is not a country of mere laws, this is a land whose heart and soul is dedicated to promoting the general Welfare of all who live within its borders.

the song of the algorithm 

from dawn’s true blue

to night sounds of content

I ride the algorithm

somewhere, unknown, but familiar

soaring through scores of 

sounds and images

like timely updated images 

of covers

of what once were magazines

I ride the algorithm

something once touched

a day, a year, a century, whenever

from a past forgotten 

but only by myself

never for this singer

I hear the song of the algorithm

those forgotten are remembered

past grudges clicked past

voices it assumes 

share something

but

remember

this is but another

horse performing Hamlet

once the oddity becomes a norm

a simple question remains

but can this algorithmic pony act?

I pan the world of the algorithm

....pjjb

 LUIGI

by Peter Breschard

SEE IT FROM MY POINT OF VIEW.

YOU UNDERSTAND IT, DON'T YOU? 

IT'S YOU AND ME.

IT'S ALWAYS BEEN ME AND YOU.

SURE I'M IN PAIN. 

GREATEST PAIN I'VE EVER KNOWN. 

IN MY LIFE I'VE RARELY BEEN DENIED. 

THIS PAIN WILL BE WITH ME AS LONG AS I LIVE. 

OR POSSIBLY NOT. 

WHEN THEY FIND A WAY TO MAKE MY AGONY GO AWAY. 

I'LL BE FIRST IN LINE. 

I'LL ALWAYS BE AT THE BEGINNING. 

I DON'T MIND BEING ONE OF THE FIRST, 

AS LONG AS NOBODY ELSE HAS TO SUFFER OR DIE.

I'M TAKING ADVANTAGE OF PRIVILEGES I HAVE HAD NO DUTY CONFERRING. 

YOU UNDERSTAND DON'T YOU? 

YOU GET THAT DON'T YOU? 

IT IS OUR SYSTEM. 

IT'S A PAYOFF. 

A BRIBE. 

SAID THE ORANGE PUSSYCATS. 

WE ARE IDIOTS ABOUT EVERYTHING. 

WITH ONE OR TWO EXCEPTIONS. 

IF THAT MANY? 

RIGHT? 

RIGHT OR WRONG? 

YES OR NO?

HOW CLOSE DO YOU HAVE TO BE? 

DO YOU HAVE TO LOOK AWAY FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD? 

HOW CLOSE DOES CARNAGE HAVE TO COME? 

TO YOUR CITY? 

IN YOUR COUNTRY? 

TO YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD? 

TO YOUR HOME? 

TO YOUR BED? 

DOES CARNAGE FOLLOW YOU TO ITS GRAVE? 

TO YOUR GRAVE? 

AND WHAT WOULD YOU DO TO STOP IT? 

WHAT DOES THE LAW HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? 

THE GREAT ABOLITIONIST JOHN BROWN FAILED AT HARPER'S FERRY 

BUT SUCCEEDED ELSEWHERE. 

HE RAIDED PLANTATIONS WHERE SLAVES WERE KEPT. 

BEFORE HARPERS FERRY BROWN MANAGED TO FREE SOME SLAVES.

HE TOOK HOSTAGES WHILE DOING SO. 

WHERE WAS THE MORALITY THERE? 

IS FREEING SLAVES NOT THE MOST NOBLE OF AMBITIONS? 

NOW THERE IS A MAN DEAD WHO PARTICIPATED IN, 

NO, 

HE LEAD, 

A DEADLY HEALTH INSURANCE FLIMFLAM

 CAUSING INCALCULABLE PREVENTABLE DEATHS.

THE SLAUGHTER OF INNOCENTS.

THE RIGHT TO DEFEND A THIRD PERSON 

GENERALLY COMES FROM THE RIGHT OF SELF-DEFENSE. 

FACTS THAT WOULD EXCUSE A KILLING IN SELF-DEFENSE

 WILL ALSO EXCUSE A KILLING IN DEFENSE OF ANOTHER. 

MAKE NO MISTAKE

THE MAN I KILLED WAS A KILLER.

AND HE WAS KILLING EVERY DAY.

MAYBE WHAT I DID WILL STOP THEM. 

OR, AT LEAST, BEGIN TO STOP THEIR CARNAGE.

 

DAY ONE OF RECOVERY

by Peter Breschard 

One of three men perched on the grammar school's small stage smartly lifts himself from his seat to address the gathering.

Welcome to MAGA GONE. You can call me Richard and I'd like to extend good wishes to all of the first-timers here today.

Richard raises his arms, gesturing either a wide open welcome, or somebody just kicked a field goal.

Give yourself a hand!

The group neither enthusiastically nor unenthusiastically applauds.

Yes, all of you, give them a hand!

Hands. Hands. And even more hands. It's virtually a reunion of Dutch Cousins.

All of us, I guess, we're about 35 or so here tonight. There's quite a few more than the usual number of newcomers this week. Understandable that.

All us old timers know what it's like stepping through these doors the first time. It can be a frightening experience. This is one hell of a decision you've made. We know. We've been there. We know. So welcome!

Again with the "Good Kick" signal.

You first timers are the bravest folks I've seen all day! Welcome!

Stand up and let us all take pride in you!

Richard encourages all of the newcomers to rise and they stand up. Count nears a dozen. Many nod, appreciating these warm welcomes.

All right. As you probably already know, this chapter of MAGA GONE, Make America Great Again But Just Don't Tell Anyone How We're Doing It, meets right here every week at 7:00 on the dot.

Of course we discourage tardiness but we also know life goes on outside this room, so, do your best to get here on time. But know you'll be welcome whenever you arrive. You've got enough to worry about without worrying about us.

A smattering.

Good. Now just settle in.

We've got coffee and some snacks in the back and the restrooms are, well, just follow the signs. Or the cosines. Not to go off on a tangent. Or anything like that.

Some small smutted groans.

Right. Sorry. Yeah, the jokes get worse every week but at least they all add up.

No rim shot. No rims.

No more Math, Rich.

Scattered calls from audience. Your call. Feature an identifiable face isolated from the rest?

Well thanks. That's just about sums it all up.

A gentle almost silence.

Anyhow let's get down to the business of what we're doing here. Why we're all here. And will probably be here for a while.

WE FUCKED UP

WE LISTENED AND NODDED

WE LET IT ROLL ALL OVER US

WE ACCEPTED BY NOT OBJECTING

Silence with a cleared throat. Too much?

And if you have any doubts as to why you're here, remember how much you, and maybe whoever you live with, contributed to the shit show we're all living through right now.

Some approving noises.

Thank you. And thank all of you for coming tonight. We've got a lot of work to do. A lot of cleaning up. Harry, the floor is yours.

Polite recognition and general agreement. Mumbling? Or clear verbal responses?

Hey guys, You can call me Harry and I've been with MAGA GONE for over 5 years now.

I gave up on the Chump and the rest of his clown show after he'd been in office about a year. Took me a while to connect to this group but I sure am glad I stayed looking for others who'd also tossed their little red caps into the trash. Reminds me of Mao's Little Red Book, but that's something else entirely.

Let me give you my reasons for being here.

Harry has the group's attention.

NUMBER ONE: let's start with something I think we agree on. Just about all government officials and politicians in powerful positions are crooks. Maybe there's one or two out there who isn't getting rich off the public dime, but they're rare. And a lot of us are here because we realized there is a big difference between a cop getting a free lunch at a diner and the children of their "lord and savior" on Earth's daughter and son-in-law getting billions of dollars from the Saudis. Just a little bit of a difference. A couple of billion. We all know that, but some still haven't realized what it means. Telling your barber to take a little off the top is a whole lot different than having him shave your head bald.

Mostly attentive silence?

NUMBER TWO: Which leads into my second point. There are way too many MAGA extremists. There are way too many of them willing to execute members of my own family who had an abortion. You know it's true. These folks are rabid. I mean it's one thing to post something online, it's another thing altogether to fire bomb a city because you think there's too much litter. MAGA is just too full of way too many crazies. Damn they are dangerous. Owning a rifle is one thing. Owning a couple of dozen machine guns and the makings for a bunch of IEDs is another.

A couple of "you bet brother"s. And possibly a woman's voice is heard. Yes/No?

NUMBER THREE: They claim to be all pro-American and America first and all that but MAGA leaders will sell out to foreign interests for a dollar. It takes a bit of time to realize just how much all those MAGA corporations are basically controlled by foreign oil money. Hell, the oil companies themselves are pretty much run by Middle Eastern money. The MAGA leadership wants corporations, foreigners, to control this country. MAGA's leadership has been bought and sold to those foreign aliens I don't even know how many times.

Preach.

NUMBER FOUR: Life isn't professional wrestling. It's ain't the WWE. Village idiots shouldn't be in positions of power. You know it's fun watching everybody throw chairs at one another on a Saturday morning but you also have to know when it's time to hire somebody to pick up the garbage once a week, you don't want somebody whose skill set is knowing how to beat their own chest, throw chairs into the ring, and scream and cuss at their opponent. Choosing somebody who's done the job, or at least something like it, before should be taken into account before hiring them. It's our goddamn tax money they're throwing away when they put total incompetent a-holes into places they have no place being.

NUMBER FIVE: We're not racists

Amen to that, here and there. Or something less religious?

Democrats talk down to people. Trump told us lots of horrible shit but he never called us or our family "deplorables". It sure is real easy not to like Dems. But...

But pardoning cop killers? I know this was the last straw for some of you newbies here tonight. Cruds who beat up cops trying to protect the Congress? Are they frigging kidding? If a bank guard dies from a heart attack after a bank robbery the same way those cops did following the attack on Congress, those robbers are prosecuted for murder. The maniacs who broke into the Capitol should be tried for murder the same way anybody is if someone dies while they're committing a crime.

Serious applause? Stunned silence?

We're not racists. Not the way people think. Sure maybe we're not found fond of blacks. We don't like ghetto shit. Boy. But it's more like we don't like different shit. We were raised with white people, for the most part. So we're used to the white way of doing things. Hell, I've only had jerk chicken once in my life. It's the strange that bothers us. Black, brown, yellow, most of us don't care. As long as you don't serve food that's not steaks, burgers, and all the fixings. And we don't mean to get any more bad off financially than we might already be. Keep the cheap seats away from us. Poor people of any type probably want what we already have.

My mother's older brother, my uncle Phil, didn't get shot and killed fighting Germans so some foreign punk can stand next to the President of the United States and act like he's the richest Nazi who ever lived. Take your heil Hitler salute and shove it where the sun don't shine, you little piece of shit.

Applause and some whistling. One or two"Fuck 'em"s.

Here's Jake.

Harry sits down

Usual response.

Jake moves to center stage. Microphone or no?

Both parties are wasting our time on insignificant shit like checking passport boxes for sex orientation. Only 17,000 people a year are affected by that. 17,000 out of something like 350 million. That's one out of every 20,000 people. Why are they wasting our time? Both sides screaming constantly about little crap. Wasting our time on something so insignificant and at the same time in our country and around the world it's the hottest ever. I want my grandchildren to live in a world where the temperature is under a hundred degrees all the time. Who gives a flaming whatever if somebody you will never meet checks some stupid government form?

I'm old enough to remember when Los Angeles had the worst smog outside of India. We fixed that pretty much even when the oil companies said smog was bull hockey.

And all this abortion crap. We know we're not going to have our 14 year old daughter have a rapist's child. Ain't going to happen. No way. It's time we came to decisions like that and let other folks know how wrong they are.

We're tired of people thinking it's all our fault. It isn't. Most our families weren't in this country before the damn Civil War. We couldn't have owned slaves.

Our families worked their asses off just to stay alive. Like everybody else's families. Maybe we got helped a little more than most but we never had any say in all that. We're working like everybody else.

Just give me a slice, a beer, and let me watch the game on a big screen. What's the matter with that? I know it's not that simple. But all the money is going into the hands of people who just want to keep us down and us never looking up to see how good things actually could be.

This is America, damn, and the people taking our money aren't the people who have nothing. They really are not the real threat. It's the people who already have it all and just want more and more and more who reach into our pockets and take what they want.

I hope no one in your families ever gets real sick and the hospital expenses just wipe you out. I've seen it. I've been close to that being me. It's bad news. And Black Rock and the rest of them just make more and more cash for each one of us who just dies before the insurance companies shell out to pay for your real needs. I don't know. I don't know. Thanks.

Jake sits.

More enthusiastic or more sympathetic responses?

Rabble roused or hearts touched?

Richard stands.

Remember, we don't want you to do anything rash now that you've come to understand what MAGA really is. We've heard stories of guys, mostly guys, who realized what idiots they've been. How much harm they've done, and they've gone to either hurt themselves or blown up a building or something really stupid.

No, Sir.

None of that here. None of that. And if you ever get to feeling like, like you want to hurt yourself, or hurt something else, or somebody else, you just pick up your cell and call that number we gave you when you walked into this auditorium.

That's why we're here tonight. We're here to help each other get through this and maybe help some others along the way.

Remember there's coffee in the back.

Half stand. Some begin quiet conversations with their neighbors. Small groups?

Richard.

Well, we've been here a while and you old timers know how to make the newbies feel right at home. So anybody else have something to say?

Public silence? Private voices.

OK. Then coffee and snacks in the back, like I said. I know some of you guys will be heading over to the Roadhouse later on so that's about it.

Some from the group leave the auditorium.

Next week same time same place

We'll all help America be great again but this time without MAGA.

Have a good night folks.

Close or continue?

END

IN CONVERSATION WITH # (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR) AND # (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

(# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR) AND # (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN))

by Peter Breschard

(NOTE: Across an unadorned pine table #4 and #7 at times look to one another.)

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

What do you do when the cache is full? Does it all spill out into some universe none of us have ever imagined?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Say what?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

No, think about it From that first instant when, all at once, the senses release themselves to this universe. Immense amounts of what might as well be called data, bombards us with an incalculable jumble.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

You are going to continue this?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Do we simply create the reality our senses transmit to our brain and all the jigsaw pieces are editorialized and sorted and indexed and filed? And we put these jigsaw pieces somewhere near other similar pieces and then we name it?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

You want a coffee?

(NOTE: Gender neutral. GODOT. Use best actors available.

They sit across from one another at the table.

Omniscient narrator and characters.)

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Which inevitably leads to how I created you and everything else I perceive.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Thank gods!

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Not that I am. Silly. Certainly not by my own conception of such a creator. By definition: Non.

Does attaining a certain age effect the editing process?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Of course. Is there any place worth calling out for so we can eat in?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

All those years atop one another. Quadrillions of sensory data feeds. Memory of data bits, bytes, buffered beyond belief.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Or a B Plus.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

There has to be a limit. We are solids, not ethereal. (I would creatively assume.)

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Do we actually play it this way?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Any way we want to play it. Or I want to play it. Or you want to play it, if what I am perceiving as my own creation turns out to be simply your projection of me attempting to understand what you are projecting of my own character in relation to yours. It's all quite simple if we view it that way.

(NOTE: They push their chairs inches away from the table.)

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Or not.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

For the moment, let us assume that you are my creation.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Thank you so very much.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Do you dream?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

At times. Often before breakfast.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Do you dream of a day you have already imagined to live? And in your dream are only small details deformed?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Deformed? Do you mean changed? How much do we have to tip for delivery? Could I possibly imagine a larger tip?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

There it is. A dream of fortune. So common.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

There were mornings before attending child school. Changing faces of numerous pedagogues. Possibly seeing what would occur later in the day. Possibly living in a memory of a distorted memory within a dream. Possibly your dream. Or mine.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

We take our previous interpretation, and we dream of finer design. We send that imagining into the as yet unknowing universe.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Our dreams are other interpretations. We might or might not still choose? Coffee?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Always will remain a possibility of going back. But again, how can we have initial sensory input if all we know to be is our own construct? Which could not have existed before one's own consciousness.

NOTE: They sit two minutes drinking coffee.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Difficult to design a tastier cup.

(NOTE: Should reader be brought in at this point?)

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Imagine that.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

I really don't have to. I am drinking it.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

So you see what's been done? Don't you?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Smell. Eyeball. Touch. Taste. Yes, I have the general idea. And if I slosh it around a bit, I can hear it.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

When did you imagine the coffee plantations in South America? I know I didn't. So you must have dreamt all the heat, humidity, and the inhumane slave trade along with everything else that goes into harvesting little beans someone grinds to bits then lets sit in nearly boiling water until every last flavinoid, or whatever, blends with the H2O, and you imagine such a combination to be in some ways enjoyable. Good for you.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Why don't we both leave administration of these worldly estates to you?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Wouldn't that be nice?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Fine by me.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

One of us created this world. At least as far as I can now imagine. We certainly are responsible for our creations. We own the world's horrors before our coming to this consciousness. And what will certainly arrive in our perceived future.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Then we certainly can change the past, our future, and this present. Is the door unlocked for the delivery driver?

----------

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

There was a time before?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Before time? There was? Another construct. Created by you or me or the construct itself? So like a picture frame. To isolate what you don't wish to blend into the wall.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Even ancient art?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Can you imagine a worse frame for a drawing than a cave? Adorn your art with poorly illuminated moist rock?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

But there are positives.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Of course there are. Oil paint on canvas can only last so long but art hidden deep within a cave, undisturbed for thousands of centuries, will exist until rediscovered and brought to destruction by the eyes that view.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Nothing is eternal.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Nothing is. Nothing precedes everything. Ergo nothing is eternal but art most certainly is not.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

That's an idea.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Most certainly and to my point of view, one of your best. But the idea itself, now that certainly cannot be eternal.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Thought is not eternal?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

A construct. What we view as thought exists as how we perceive it. Is it expressed in language? Does it exist as an image, be it two or three or possibly four dimensional? We express the thought within our own constructs. Languages perish. Never rediscovered. Three dimensional objects revert to dust. Expressing thought dooms itself by its own existence. Expression is never timeless.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

"I think therefor I am."

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

"Cogito ergo sum." Dare you disagree? If one fails to think does one simply fade into an indescribable form of ether? Or is thought process a thing constantly aware? If you can never stop thinking does thought enslave? Is it thought alone that so many wish to escape? If you imagine life to be eternal what are the limitations to your imagining of existence?

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

I think I hear our food.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

I hear therefor I eat.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

I eat therefor I am.

----------

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

And don't forget the background players.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

How can there be a background? Does it not entirely depend upon your focus? What's in the foreground and background all depends upon from where you view.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

And what is that I'm hearing?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Oh, it's always the radio. Your, our, entire kaboodles. Close your eyes. Hear our quiet. Cut out all extraneous noise. And then, it's all radio.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

Open your eyes. Their, ours, whoever.

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Third base.

----------

VOICE OVER

Taken from IMMORTAL TALES FROM NINETEEN PLANETS. For those of you just joining us now, we've been participating in IN CONVERSATION WITH #(NUMBER) 4 (FOUR) AND # (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN). Have you marveled and puzzled yet? Have #4 and #7 created wonder within your own weary world.

VOICE OVER

But isn't that why we are all here? We've all known creatures similar to #(NUMBER) 4 (FOUR) and # (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN). Are we not similar to them ourselves? Think about that for a moment. But to return.

----------

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

We create our worlds? All the upsides and all the downsides? We create languages which we'll never understand spoken by people of our imagination who we will never meet? And if they never become a concept within our own consciousness they will never exist?

# (NUMBER) 7 (SEVEN)

Now you're getting the idea? Or I'm elaborating on a theme entirely new to me where you begin to become a creature of awareness unto yourself. Of course an imaginary creature, such as yourself, could easily become as corporeal as I and begin your own creation voyage. That's not out of the range of utilitarianism which is often of use to myself.

# (NUMBER) 4 (FOUR)

So how does all of this play out? Cannot I create works of art which will keep me from becoming bored and disillusioned ever again? Can we expand every expanse to be free from ever experiencing eternal ennui?